working weekend

Not really .  Actually on call.

I just got a page.. informational..but i made a call and sent an email. 

.. thats it.. not even worth charging for .

The girl with the mini got her new part, and asked if i would come by and program it. I agreed and said Friday after work.

She said her dad asked if they should install it before i came over..i said yes. Early today(i was not near my phone, so i got the text after 2..) they put in the new module and everything was working! So i didnt need to program it. 

..

We worked on the bosses car, all day..in the garage.. my phone was up in my tool bag.. so i heard nothing.. 

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I got my food and went home.. worked on radios.. and watched an ai movie. 

I have laundry the post office to mail a box and groceries and maybe deliver a radio and a microphone tomorrow.. then move some leaves and go to dinner..

..

Nothing going on..

Except in my over active head..

...

She adjusted for the end of DST.. and is working mostly afternoon/evenings..

... Maybe we could spend some time together...?? I am more than willing to help.. i would do anything.. 

I know i messed up.. trying to be to much the gentleman.. not pressing ..

Really.. i wanted.. i didnt.

I dont read the signs.. i think ..and later.. guess ..and kick myself .

Why cant you just tell me.. what you are expecting.. i am not like anyone else.. i am. ..but i dont allow myself to be that way..not without encouragement..you got to ask..not hint...i dont interpret hints..not for a long time after thinking about it ...

Yes, i do think about it all ..over and over..and over.. i realize ..i should have, could have..but..here i am .

...

I know i have messed this up .

I dont know if i can fix it..

But..i get a few encouraging texts .

But followed by..im too busy..

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I would take time off..i could go up and spend time..

I have time..that i wont use ..unless i have a place to go, something to do or..to spend time somewhere i want to be....someone i want to be with!...

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Yet . Here i am.. 

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My savings are depleted..

I got a report from one if my 401k programs.. if i retire in 5 years.. i will get $145 /mo..for 24 years..

Oh yes!!!!! NOT! 

Yes, i have SSI.. and its good...if it survives..but got to make another 5yrs.. 

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I have been looking at solar again..

I need to check where K works .and see if it is a good fit..

Maybe lease a system and get a battery system and a generator.. then sell the place and downsize...

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A bunch of things i should be doing....

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I need sleep... Not that i sleep good..alone.. but i need to try.

R