timing...

Timing is everything.. 

Sometimes I have to wonder..

I used to say 'when you have one ,you have 3, when you have none, no one wants you.'

Right now there isn't a 3.. but ....

So, I heard from A, she is in the UK and headed to Boston next week, and may be around for a few months. 

I cannot wait! I hope we still are close.. 

I really miss having her around.

Hopefully I can figure out how to budget my time and be available to spend some time together.

..

The past year has been pretty lonely..and I have filled the days with work.. and repairs.  Let's see if we can still have a good summer.

..

I just got paid.  I borrowed from the cushion to pay the bills already this month, and did not have enough to replenish it.. but.. not broke yet .

I did just pay the water bill on the family house.. it was in collections for an unpaid bill from 2020..

Only $216..but no one else was stepping up.. I only had one cousin ask to pay their share.. I declined ...since no one else offered to pay their $9.. one-step closer.. I hope

...

So..

S

What should I do?

I figure . .. lay it out.. 

I have no commitment to anyone..and no one has to me..

I have been all by myself for a long time.  

I have had those that appreciate me for what I do..and those that have no one else to ask.  

Friends that stay friends regardless.

But over all, no one close.. 

I have not looked..

I have found a new old friend or two ...but not one for me..

I was close.. but realization set in and I was moved to occasional.. and now do not know my place.

Typical ... Not many come out and say what they want ..from me or for me to do. 

It has been a long road..and after the few bumps..I am here.. still wondering why and why not.

Really .  ... Do I have to justify..

???

If I was a dog. ..or even a regular guy.. I would have moved on already..I just don't see any options..or the options when they are there.. usually there is none.. 

So I continue..and hope someone remembers me.. 

But really..I am just alone most of the time..

Fending for me.. getting to the next day..

..

I have gone from, being no one, having nothing to offer except my caring person.. to having a good job , responsibility, stability.. a home.. to less and no free time..to excess and no one to share the free time with..or no time to share.. to now.. I have a good home, limited money , but no real bills and limited free time.. but no one to share it with .

...

So..

Here I am..

I have potential of a new relationship.. actually a new old relationship..but since nothing else was going on..I took the chance and so far it was good....

Then the one who left to live their life.. ..I really tried..and figured my place .. probably wrong..but it grew less each week, month.. 

Finally I started to entertain something different..and hello.. 

So.. I figure I will explain my intention and probably lose on all fronts... But I will be honest..right now I belong to no one..

No one has claimed me..

I wish someone would..

But no..

So..let's see who is the better adult..

Me or them..

It failed before ... probably will again..

But I am put in this position..and been caught trying to save feelings and prevent difficulty.. but always fail...so no use in trying to save any ones feelings.. lay it out and see if it's ok ...since no one lays claim, and neither do I.. I'm just trying to not be so damn lonely.

...

So.. I know ..from past history.. I will end up alone..more alone than before..

So.. what is the damage...

..

I just need to be up front and if that don't work.. too bad.

..

Probably, to bad for me..but..

I refuse to try to juggle ...I could never do that.. I just never figured out how..

..

I'm not that dishonest..or scheming..

Never learned how.

..not a skill I needed .

Ok .

No answers here..and the absolute isn't helping..

R