start of the weekend

So, not a bad Friday. I continued working on the timers for the work vehicle chargers. Making cases. 

Not my best work, but it will work.

Then I decided to drop something at the jail for Owen, and then top off my work truck fuel for Sunday.. and it occurred to me that I should check the big truck.. good thing it needed fuel, so drove it out to the station and filled it.. $217.. 45 gallons!! It was just under half a tank..

So, got the plans for Sunday.. leave home at 9:30 and pick up my truck ,drive to the fire station, pickup the big truck and drive to Hyannis.. set up and sit all day. Owen will arrive at 4:00 and I will leave at 5:00.. to pick up my car and go home.

I bought a FireTV stick to use in the big truck, to pass the time.

We are just a billboard..

...it's 6 hrs OT ..

....

I have a few radios that came in for repair..and started on one..

..

Have a few older ones to check..

I fixed my cars moulding.. I also have a service appt on Monday morning.

They should provide a loaner..

..

I should see if A wants to hang out Monday..while I wait for the service.

I will check on Sunday evening.

...

I have mixed feelings . 

I see that the interest is there..but no idea how deep.. I may just be adding more than what it really is.. (as usual) but... It does seem that way..

So, how to move forward.. I guess..a little at a time.. hope I don't take too long..don't want them to lose interest..it has happened..I have been too slow..and missed it.

..

Of course, I have ran a few scenarios through my mind..it could be very nice..in a not so perfect world.

I also could make a few changes and make it work long term.

..but way ahead of my self...

It's new..and hopeful..so why not ..

..

It may be just what it is .

It could be less or more..

..time will tell..

Of  course A will prob back away if she thinks it's going anywhere.. 

And it would probably end that .once and for all..

Really..with out a solid bf/gf situation.. it would not be necessary..

But it will probably happen .

...

Too early to be there..

...

So ...I need to give Pearl a once over..maybe even get it into dealer service... L has mentioned brakes.. and I need to see if there is any moisture in the valve cover.

...

I mowed the lawn today..and it looks good, I even mowed the weeds in the back yard..

So that's done.. I will do laundry and groceries tomorrow..and more radios..and sleep in . A little..if Joseph lets me.

..

So .

Long weekend..and just work..on the agenda.. 

What should I do..??

..

If I had someone to occupy my free time..if only.....

R

learning to juggle

Well, not yet ...

I hope it goes this well when I actually try.

I had dinner with A, and I'm glad I left her alone last weekend, she had family stuff that took her time and wore her out. 

We had Sushi and talked a bit.  We made plans for this weekend.  But it got cancelled.. I will make it a point to stop in and maybe take her to lunch or dinner..

I have a work truck event all day Sunday and Monday off, but I also on call as well.

It's OT and a simple event. 

On call again next week too.

I have put in for my next not on call holiday, extending one day. So a 4 day weekend.. I am planning on going riding again.. or at least going to Maine. It looks like a good time.

I will be happy to get away and spend more time getting reacquainted with my old friend.

Pleasantly optimistic....

I still need to register for MOTM and explain all the details to N.  I think she is still gonna come with us.

I need to see how to do this..

Is it friends.  BF/GF but not serious?

Time and distance .. but in a good way.

It could develop into more..that would be nice.. time and distance would hinder that..but.. all things could change .. monetarily..soon???

At the least in the future..

I won't count that chicken till it hatches...

 ...

Jen, has reached out.. sort of..I should make the effort and reach back.. just give a supportive shoulder.

One could always hope for ... That..but never necessary.  A perk for each . 

I would not say no.. at least not at this time... Maybe if things change..

Yeah, one can hope... I will probably screw this all up and end up alone ..as always . 

Do I ever learn?? I hope so..

Really..I think I can figure out how to make this work.. 

Yes, my mind still entertains many scenarios.. and always hoping for the best outcome. 

More tomorrow..

R

end of the week.

I did my normal chores, groceries, laundry.. fixed a couple more radios. 

Got parts for another. Hopefully that will be the answer. I also fixed the mic..I think.. 

Cleaned off the workbench , one side.. just reassembled the big radio that has sat there for almost 2 years. The rest needs to be torn down and cleaned and rearranged. It will be a massive chore.

I really should think about the extension and some more filing drawers..  and maybe fix some of the test equipment. And my older base radios.. and finish up the radio for Jeff. I also need to check at least 2 older repairs for a simple fix I just found..

A bit to do.. it should be done. 

Then, I need to figure out how I move forward with the new options.

If I blow it ,I will have plenty of free time......

I figured I would give A a few days to recover from jet lag. Before I start ..

I really want to see her..but.. I don't want to annoy her. I hope we get to spend time together..and can enjoy each others company. 

...

Tomorrow is Sunday . And will have to see what it brings, I have no plans..Monday start s my two week on call.. with a all day touch a truck on the 28 in Hyannis. Sunday overtime. Then after that.. maybe see about a weekend trip.. or maybe a Monday personal day.. but need to coordinate..

The summer is coming..and need to see if we can enjoy it. 

We will see.

R

Saturday.

I fixed the last post.. damn auto correct...

Anyway..sent a text after work.. 

Was told they stayed up real late last night after traveling.. and planned on going to sleep at 9..but were still very tired.. it is reasonable . ..jet lag and adjusting to the time changes. 

.. maybe Saturday.

I have call starting Monday. 2 weeks.. including the holiday.. and I'm working an all day touch a truck in Hyannis on That Sunday.. the 28.. 

So will have a short weekend.. but 8 hrs ot pay.. 

I also have a touch a truck detail in June.. 

...

I still have to purchase the .MOTM tickets.. probably after payday..

I did tell L that I will be moving cat repair money into my account. She is good with that.

... 

I am thinking.. a dangerous thing..

But,I need to plan the road trip..and should make another weekend ride to Maine.. just to see where we are.

It's a thing..I should not assume..I should get it right.. I would be good either way..we are good as friends..and the distance can help as well as hurt..I enjoy her company and I believe it's mutual.. we both have our situations and need to see if we can fit eachother into the other..

I think we can..not sure if she wants that or not.. but maybe we already are..and I don't know yet......

.....

And then there is A..

Honestly..the last time we were together..I thought I would never see her again .. wished I would.. but did not presume to tweak the atmosphere..

I do really appreciate her and all she brings to my existence. 

I know we could have been more..but it was in the wrong time in the universe..

I am always glad for what happens positive..and try to get past any negative..

..

As I said before I figured it was the last time I would be able to see her .

And with that in my head..I am happy if she lets me back in...even just to be close to her..for the short time we get.

.......

So .I have a little time to use..and if this don't flourish..I will be planning on going for a drive north.......

For a weekend...

Just don't mess it up...

R

let me see..

Well, I mentioned my trip to Maine. I did mention that I went to visit and she has a horse farm, and she let me ride her horse. So.. I will probably have to elaborate.

But I didn't hide or hold back.

I am east for dinner , usual Thursday.. and A just landed 2hrs ago.. I will see if she is available.. tomorrow evening.. if not maybe this weekend. 

I would expect she will be in demand after being gone for so long. Lots of people to see and I will have to see if I can get in the schedule.

Anyway, I hope we can pickup better than we left off.. I think I messed up the trip . It didn't end with me feeling good about the situation.

I did really want to go visit when she was in Australia..or even the UK.. but the timing just wasn't right, and then the car problems ate up my spare cash.  So ..it was better not .

But , she says she is here till about September. ..so we will see how much feeling survived..

I still care a lot.. we click.. but.. I'm not in a place to pack up and travel the world.. I know that is where she is. So as always, I'm happy to have her close, and happy to be able to spend time when ever I can.

..

So, we are still planning on Michigan in August.. and if not with N.. maybe I can ask A.. but I have committed to N.. I really want to see if that is more positive..it seems good..and it has positives.  .. not too close.. but we can spend time, and it probably can work on either end. 

Yet, not a constant invasion.. better for two loners that accept their situations.. 

....

I'm getting ahead of things . 

I have a friend and that is good.

...

I have done most of my spring cleaning. The house really needed it..Jarre helped by vacuuming down stairs.. I did the rest, washed all the curtains. And sorted my room..except my bench..that's next..

I broke down most of the boxes in the basement..and cleaned the downstairs bathroom.. the place looks tidy.. better than it has since we moved  in.

..

More tomorrow..

R

timing...

Timing is everything.. 

Sometimes I have to wonder..

I used to say 'when you have one ,you have 3, when you have none, no one wants you.'

Right now there isn't a 3.. but ....

So, I heard from A, she is in the UK and headed to Boston next week, and may be around for a few months. 

I cannot wait! I hope we still are close.. 

I really miss having her around.

Hopefully I can figure out how to budget my time and be available to spend some time together.

..

The past year has been pretty lonely..and I have filled the days with work.. and repairs.  Let's see if we can still have a good summer.

..

I just got paid.  I borrowed from the cushion to pay the bills already this month, and did not have enough to replenish it.. but.. not broke yet .

I did just pay the water bill on the family house.. it was in collections for an unpaid bill from 2020..

Only $216..but no one else was stepping up.. I only had one cousin ask to pay their share.. I declined ...since no one else offered to pay their $9.. one-step closer.. I hope

...

So..

S

What should I do?

I figure . .. lay it out.. 

I have no commitment to anyone..and no one has to me..

I have been all by myself for a long time.  

I have had those that appreciate me for what I do..and those that have no one else to ask.  

Friends that stay friends regardless.

But over all, no one close.. 

I have not looked..

I have found a new old friend or two ...but not one for me..

I was close.. but realization set in and I was moved to occasional.. and now do not know my place.

Typical ... Not many come out and say what they want ..from me or for me to do. 

It has been a long road..and after the few bumps..I am here.. still wondering why and why not.

Really .  ... Do I have to justify..

???

If I was a dog. ..or even a regular guy.. I would have moved on already..I just don't see any options..or the options when they are there.. usually there is none.. 

So I continue..and hope someone remembers me.. 

But really..I am just alone most of the time..

Fending for me.. getting to the next day..

..

I have gone from, being no one, having nothing to offer except my caring person.. to having a good job , responsibility, stability.. a home.. to less and no free time..to excess and no one to share the free time with..or no time to share.. to now.. I have a good home, limited money , but no real bills and limited free time.. but no one to share it with .

...

So..

Here I am..

I have potential of a new relationship.. actually a new old relationship..but since nothing else was going on..I took the chance and so far it was good....

Then the one who left to live their life.. ..I really tried..and figured my place .. probably wrong..but it grew less each week, month.. 

Finally I started to entertain something different..and hello.. 

So.. I figure I will explain my intention and probably lose on all fronts... But I will be honest..right now I belong to no one..

No one has claimed me..

I wish someone would..

But no..

So..let's see who is the better adult..

Me or them..

It failed before ... probably will again..

But I am put in this position..and been caught trying to save feelings and prevent difficulty.. but always fail...so no use in trying to save any ones feelings.. lay it out and see if it's ok ...since no one lays claim, and neither do I.. I'm just trying to not be so damn lonely.

...

So.. I know ..from past history.. I will end up alone..more alone than before..

So.. what is the damage...

..

I just need to be up front and if that don't work.. too bad.

..

Probably, to bad for me..but..

I refuse to try to juggle ...I could never do that.. I just never figured out how..

..

I'm not that dishonest..or scheming..

Never learned how.

..not a skill I needed .

Ok .

No answers here..and the absolute isn't helping..

R

may trip

Back home, actually down the Cape for dinner, been back since Monday evening. 

It was a nice trip, and a great time.

I'm not sure how I came across. They are still talking with me and mentioned coming down for a weekend visit. Also wants to go on the mini rally with us. 

So, I didn't scare them away.. I know I had a great time.. from doing nothing to riding and kayaking and hiking, even the memorial service was a cool experience. I'm sure I talked too much and hopefully enough. 

She is a strong talented person and self sufficient. It was nice to go and relax. 

I wanted to help more, but wasn't sure if I was overstepping or not. 

We had fun, and have much in common. I didn't have to adjust what I talked about, and was happy to hear more of how she got where she is today. A very smart and talented person. A good mom and business person. Extremely knowledgeable and seems to know what is what .

I look forward to seeing her again.

...

So, work is still good,they finally retired the outbound retired guy. 

I think something happened, and it was time. 

..  

I was chatting with L about house projects..she wants to help paint the porch. It needs to be scraped and repainted. I think the house needs to be painted too. 

We need to do a spring cleaning, including washing the floors and deep cleaning the bathrooms. 

Of course whole house dusting and vacuuming. The dust is layers deep..

.. 

I have radios to fix and some car maintenance to do too. 

..

So , busy times if I can get it started.

....

I feel good.  Better after my weekend.  I hope I didn't under do it..

I lean closer to the go slow and see what happens, mode.. some don't expect that.. I have had accusations.. unfounded..when I was trying to be a gentleman.. not a dog.. 

I hope it was understood..

Don't get me wrong, if I was asked I would have happily.. but I can build on an old friendship. 

..

Time will tell..maybe I can sneak up for a 3 day.. ...

R