4 weeks to go.
Money saved is all gone. Everything has its place. I should bave enough to pay the closing.
I have to charge a few bucks to hire a tow company or rent a truck and trailer to move the car.
I asked my friend if he was still available to help move the engine from the shippers to the car.. I got two one word answers and nothing more..none were ok or yes.
So I guess I am on my own.. well that is what credit cards are for.. I will need to rent a truck and drive up and back ..and maybe buy a hoist so I can move it by myself..
I have not seen my brother..had a couple text conversations.. but thats it..
Been working the last 15 days with no time off. Tomorrow I have to adjust my schedule to 2p to 10p. .and add travel... then turn around and get up at 3:30a to get to work at 5a on Friday.
Not sure about Saturday. .another 10 hr day or the standard 8 hours plus early morning travel.
Maybe the overtime will cover the room rent costs.. gonna be 8 weeks rent.. since it looks like the first Monday in November..at the earliest.
I did get the last preliminary document in and heard from the bank today..I am approved.
But no bed..no couch..no dressers. I have a 4 stand lamps in the POD.. and 2 desk lights.. so probably will need to buy some lamps.
That is the minimum.. hopefully the OT holds for a few more weeks..
L was excited to apply for tbe job..and would have it if her license didnt get delayed.. she has to wait..and in a month I will need to finish the car else she wont have any way to get to work... so I see a couple really long days in my future..if I can.. get all moved..
Everything else is null.. I have been walking around with fuel soaked shoes and lit matches falling out of my pockets.. and the bridges are burning...so is the road.
I have been reading through my text messages from the past month..
I have had everything and everyone mad at me..either by not doing something..doing something..or total mistaken identity.. yet still my fault. Because the timing was just wrong.
At least with being so busy and having such long days..I am too wiped out to talk with anyone.. so I cant say the wrong thing..
I did have to cancel a 'date' I made a month back because I didnt realize I would be working 10 hour days starting at 5am.. 7 days a week..including weekends.. so no way I was gonna drive to hyannis and see a show and make it home to go to work at 4a after starting my day at 4a..
Its ok just a other friend that wont give me the time of day anymore.
They just think they dont matter much to me..
Which isnt the case. That is why I moved back..to have friends..to not be a loner that just works all the time.. but I guess I do t k ow how to be a friend ..maybe I never did.
I can't seem to find those I thought were my friends.. and those that were .. I messed that up.. just slowly got worse and worse..till I tried to fix it..and it wasnt slow anymore.. bam! .. done.
I thought .. if you cared..you found a way to fix it if it broke.. not find every possible reason to let it go.
Yes..major screw-ups..stuff that gets done..is hard to get past..
But..I have found..those things they find attractive..become the same ones they despise..
If you are a dedicated worker..pay your bills and put your kid above all..
Ends up..you work too much and are ignoring everyone else...
So ..I guess I should go back in to hibernation.. simple hi.. how are you.. and work on finding a better balance between working all the time and building a place for me.
The problem..is I am just me.. alone.
Fortunately..my kid decided to stay my kid..and stay with me..
But.. I still have to fight for her time..
I guess.. I can be alone.. anywhere.
I dont need to sell everything and move 2000 miles..
Funny.. I just heard my old assistant quit today..
Maybe I can move back and work for them..
Lol
No.. I need to stay here.
No one wants me there either..
Or cares..
Yet.. I wont have my 3 or even my 2 criteria.. here.. just work.
And those bills I create to give me purpose.
The more I condense into a day to day routine.. the less I feel the pain.. easier to ignore.
If I can get L help and able to stand on her own.. I can step back and disappear..
Maybe find ...
Or look for work alternatives..
'You can't go back..'
'Don't go for the money'
'Are you sure you are doing this for the right reason?'
I was very happy..
Ive been in limbo for this long.. more wont matter.
No one but me cares...
I need to give up ...
Stop trying..
If it happens..it happens.
Probably not..
So .. here I am..
Yep.. it is October 2018...
You know.. I got this far..
I know I have been overlooked.. ignored...deemed not worthy..
Yet.. I tried..a few times..
Yet here I am..
R 10/3/18
Money saved is all gone. Everything has its place. I should bave enough to pay the closing.
I have to charge a few bucks to hire a tow company or rent a truck and trailer to move the car.
I asked my friend if he was still available to help move the engine from the shippers to the car.. I got two one word answers and nothing more..none were ok or yes.
So I guess I am on my own.. well that is what credit cards are for.. I will need to rent a truck and drive up and back ..and maybe buy a hoist so I can move it by myself..
I have not seen my brother..had a couple text conversations.. but thats it..
Been working the last 15 days with no time off. Tomorrow I have to adjust my schedule to 2p to 10p. .and add travel... then turn around and get up at 3:30a to get to work at 5a on Friday.
Not sure about Saturday. .another 10 hr day or the standard 8 hours plus early morning travel.
Maybe the overtime will cover the room rent costs.. gonna be 8 weeks rent.. since it looks like the first Monday in November..at the earliest.
I did get the last preliminary document in and heard from the bank today..I am approved.
But no bed..no couch..no dressers. I have a 4 stand lamps in the POD.. and 2 desk lights.. so probably will need to buy some lamps.
That is the minimum.. hopefully the OT holds for a few more weeks..
L was excited to apply for tbe job..and would have it if her license didnt get delayed.. she has to wait..and in a month I will need to finish the car else she wont have any way to get to work... so I see a couple really long days in my future..if I can.. get all moved..
Everything else is null.. I have been walking around with fuel soaked shoes and lit matches falling out of my pockets.. and the bridges are burning...so is the road.
I have been reading through my text messages from the past month..
I have had everything and everyone mad at me..either by not doing something..doing something..or total mistaken identity.. yet still my fault. Because the timing was just wrong.
At least with being so busy and having such long days..I am too wiped out to talk with anyone.. so I cant say the wrong thing..
I did have to cancel a 'date' I made a month back because I didnt realize I would be working 10 hour days starting at 5am.. 7 days a week..including weekends.. so no way I was gonna drive to hyannis and see a show and make it home to go to work at 4a after starting my day at 4a..
Its ok just a other friend that wont give me the time of day anymore.
They just think they dont matter much to me..
Which isnt the case. That is why I moved back..to have friends..to not be a loner that just works all the time.. but I guess I do t k ow how to be a friend ..maybe I never did.
I can't seem to find those I thought were my friends.. and those that were .. I messed that up.. just slowly got worse and worse..till I tried to fix it..and it wasnt slow anymore.. bam! .. done.
I thought .. if you cared..you found a way to fix it if it broke.. not find every possible reason to let it go.
Yes..major screw-ups..stuff that gets done..is hard to get past..
But..I have found..those things they find attractive..become the same ones they despise..
If you are a dedicated worker..pay your bills and put your kid above all..
Ends up..you work too much and are ignoring everyone else...
So ..I guess I should go back in to hibernation.. simple hi.. how are you.. and work on finding a better balance between working all the time and building a place for me.
The problem..is I am just me.. alone.
Fortunately..my kid decided to stay my kid..and stay with me..
But.. I still have to fight for her time..
I guess.. I can be alone.. anywhere.
I dont need to sell everything and move 2000 miles..
Funny.. I just heard my old assistant quit today..
Maybe I can move back and work for them..
Lol
No.. I need to stay here.
No one wants me there either..
Or cares..
Yet.. I wont have my 3 or even my 2 criteria.. here.. just work.
And those bills I create to give me purpose.
The more I condense into a day to day routine.. the less I feel the pain.. easier to ignore.
If I can get L help and able to stand on her own.. I can step back and disappear..
Maybe find ...
Or look for work alternatives..
'You can't go back..'
'Don't go for the money'
'Are you sure you are doing this for the right reason?'
I was very happy..
Ive been in limbo for this long.. more wont matter.
No one but me cares...
I need to give up ...
Stop trying..
If it happens..it happens.
Probably not..
So .. here I am..
Yep.. it is October 2018...
You know.. I got this far..
I know I have been overlooked.. ignored...deemed not worthy..
Yet.. I tried..a few times..
Yet here I am..
R 10/3/18
posted from Bloggeroid
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