Something

Is it really something..
Or is it what it is..and we need to make it more than what it is to make it something.

Sometimes we realize what we are in..and doing..sometimes it creeps up on us..and 'boom'..there we are!.

Not always a bad thing..just another learning experience.
Some of those are eye opening..surprising and very enjoyable. We must learn to take the good with the bad.. usually all the bad can be wiped away with a little good.
The GOOD will make a lot of things feel less stressful. The things that hurt more bearable.
And much of life liveable.

R 10/30/15

Today

Today. ..was a day..another in a few to come.
Im not sad, mad, jumping for joy, or any of that..
As aways..im busy... working..hoping..trying to make the correct decisions..trying not hurt anyone.. especially the ones I love.

This life makes that a challenge. Im lonely.. and not alone..
I am loved and I love..
I am happy..and I hurt...
I survive.. I do what I need to, I have to keep on..and will...no chance to give up..
I can't..I know what I should do..and as we all.. struggle with what I have to do. I am not aim-less...
I know what I want..I know what I need..
I just have to go and get all that.

I am too old to have to work so hard for what I know..but I dont give up... and know Nothing is given..it all has to be fought for.

The right person will know this..
We all have had to restructure our ideas of how our lives ended up..and life and death..is a reality..but those that survive..need to know..
Pardon the cliche.. life goes on.

At some point.. we have to be for us..

We have so much to offer..and if you look and see.. we are not that bad..after all.

We are kind. .and desireable...and have earned every grey hair. We are just what we are supposed to be.

Take me or go away

No... just take me.. you really dont have a choice.. .


R 10/28/15

Appreciation

I appreciate you...
Not a statement the average person hears.. (enough)
I did hear this today. It made me smile.

I do not hear it enough from where I put the most effort..
( I get it from the person I enjoy being there for)
In most cases .. it is deserved but not given..it is perceived to be understood..'I pay you ..and you are doing what is expected of you..why should I praise you for doing what I hired you for? '
Probably. .because..I do what I am supposed to do..not like all the others you hired to do the same..that do as little as possible and get the same as I do..when I am doing more..because I feel I should... not skate through. .
It is annoying and frustrating. .and an attitude killer..

But.. I will continue..because I dont think its fair to do a half-ass job.

R 10/25/15.

Ps....
You! >... 143!

Chat

It is so nice to be able to 'chat' with someone who gets you.
Serious talks..about life the universe and everything.
Especially those talks that clear the air and make things all right again.
Times are tough and each one of us have things we are coping with and to be able to share the load and lessen the weight, is why we need and have friends.
Some friends are closer than others..as it should be. We need close friends..people in our lives that make us feel good. And keep the smile on our faces and the light in our heart.

Thank you for being my friend!

I hope I am the friend you need..as well.
I live to help my friends..I get satisfaction that cannot be measured from wiping away the tears and putting that smile back on a beautiful face.
Giving that needed hug..and sharing the warmth.

Life is complicated... never easy..sometimes we make it more difficult than it needs to be..sometimes we over simplify..

It wont be easy..it isnt supposed to be..otherwise it would never be eventful..you would take the good for granted and never see the fantastic.. with struggle...pain..heartbreak..and the like, the good isnt remarkable..but verses the struggles, the good is great..and the fantastic so much more than every day.. stellar!

I see the fantastic in you.. and hope you do too.
(Getting personally specific)
You have endured so much. And you continue. You do what you have to, you get through the next thing..many would have given up.
But you realize you have a job to do still and you are doing it..by yourself and doing it well.
You deserve much happiness and joy. You are worthy.
(Personally specific ..end)

I cannot do much.. I wish I could fix everything..
I struggle like everyone.
The past few months have been a challenge. .I accept..I will prevail.
Financials..can be over come..I will figure it out.
I know I need to make changes and have been doing what I can.
Time for once is not the enemy. .I will figure this minor inconvenience out and make it work.

Well.. I can only say..
143!
Thanks for listening..
R 10/19/15

Nevermind

Nothing

Out of control

Here I am..

I no longer feel I am in control of my life.
It is spiraling away from me.
I thought it was headed one way.. but as always..

I was wrong.

Also, as always..I have no idea where I turned wrong.
No going back..no do overs..
Live with it.. try and figure it out.
Its what I do..usually too late.

Don't mess this up..

The 3 .. is gone.. I made my choices..and it may have bit me in the ass.

I have friends.

Just friends.

And a cat.

(Line deleted)

!

R 10/18/15

This is blank

My thoughts didnt spill onto my keyboard....

October 2015

October is one of those months.
End of the summer..beginning of fall..not cold not warm.
And always seems to be one of those 'busy' months.

October is the month my parents were married.
It has a lot of meaning in my life.
If I stop and think about it ..
Usually im too busy..but sometimes I can..

Both of my parents are gone. And I remember growing up and how October was an important month..one wher we could celebrate my parents anniversary.. one of the few allowed days to celebrate as a family.

But ..marriage was one of those that you always celebrated.. the blessings of a union..between two people that needed to be together.

I was taught to understand and appreciate the fact that marriage was a holy thing..sanctioned by god..and something to be celebrated!

I believe the bond created by two people is that sacred thing and becomes that thing to be celebrated.

Love in all its forms is a beautiful thing.
If you can experience love..given and received..experienced...felt.
You are blessed.

Real love is forever.

If you have ever experienced REAL love..you know it..and you are very lucky.
If you know love..
Any kind of love, I think you are lucky.. it allows us to .. give love..share it with others.

As humans.. we need to feel loved.

Love..fuels us..makes us do things we would not think of...
Helps us create..experience. .and live..

I believe we would be nothing without it.

That..in it self being said..
To be able to share love..
Feel love..
Give love..
Is what makes us ..
And helps us wake up and continue..

To those that have shared their love with me..and allowed me to share my love.

Thank you!

R
10/16/15

Long ... time

Ok..it has been a while since my last post..
Work..
Sleep..
And other important obligations have got in my way...

And maybe a lack of alteration influences ..

Yes.. I do love you..
You know this...
If you don't. .

I L O V E Y O U !

Nothing I can do about it. Period!

No one can understand how much I get it.
I know where you are..and have been.
I cannot expect to ever consider filling what you had.
Never my intention.
I am building a different experience.
I am trying to fill the gap between.

I want and know..what I can be..to someone that appreciates who I am and can be.
I am not a replacement.. never would even try...
I am ... can be .. a way to be ... happy...
Not to forget..but to... continue ...
Because you have a lot to do.. In the years to come.
You are young and beautiful. .and have lots left to do..
You should not have to do it alone..
Yes..your gift to this world is begining..
And will someday need a person to help mold that next next generation..your job.. your input..your love and experience..from the non-mom perspective. .
You know its there..
And not far off... a few years..
Your experiences have value to those of the future..
And it has more value than you know..
Even before..
You have lessons to teach..and experience to share.. from Mom to daughter to ...
Future.....

It is coming..

All said..

Just know.. I do..love you..

Now..and always..

R

10/08/15