late night

Ok.. 

Its late..im out and thinking about this...

..

I have trip planned.. just the travel..no real itinerary..I want to visit...and be a tourist.. I hope to connect, and remember my friends.. see as many as I can.. and explore what I neglected in the 15 years I lived there..

.. it isa vacation..time away.. something for me..

..

I want what I have been missing..and want to feel better..

So far work has been my only .. I have my home and family.. the one that lives with me..and that is all..

I have been isolated for so long.. I dont know anything else..

Im alone..and fighting being lonely..

Sometimes losing.. mostly not caring..I have been here for so long..

I really just want to be needed and loved for who I am..

But so many years of that not happening..not even close..so much pain..and loss.. just me.. misunderstood..and neglected...

Never getting what I need .. zero personal satisfaction..I have to create my own..to keep on.. without that ...I would be invisible .. nothing..

But I am so much more than that.. I love fiercely..I care more than most..

I can be someones salvation..and rescue my own heart.. but no one lets me... No one.

...

I do try. 

I really do..

But ... All in vain..

...

So..as a mind flush..im driving.. 

Just to do..

..

Someone..anyone.. save me...

..

R