maybe something

I rely on my foggy mind to release the crap stuck in there..to maybe come forth..

Im trying..

I know..there is something way back. In there.. I have just not let me see it..listen .. Ive buried it..for my own preservation.. but I know its there..

Just not been reachable..or apparent to my sober mind.. I wont allow it..

Yeah, I know Im alone..and lonely. I have no solutions..just more questions and frustrations..

But ..I feel there is something..I just dont see it.. 

I have made sure I am busy and occupied to the point of exhaustion..

Just so I can get my 4 or 5 hours of sleep..so I can keep functioning...

Still able to reason and think straight..

But..I feel that something missing needs my attention..a clue..an answer..one I dont see..one I need..

Yet..here I am..kinda lost..but making my self functional..and keep on .. for me and those that rely on me . 

I will .. keep doing what I feel I must.. time has pushed me into this mindset.. but I have no answers..no questions I can ask..to get the answer I need..

This is a place I reside..but never by choice..a place I never want to be..

I hate not knowing what to do..

I wish control. At least over my own state..

..

More in a bit..

R