early..but.. not

Im out.. it was a Sunday.. I slept in..tried to.. the cat woke me at 6.. i got up.. got water. Went back to sleep.. cat woje me again..at 8.. I went back to sleep after giving him some kibble.. from the auto feeder into the saucer...he woke me again yakking on the blanket.. I got up , cleaned it up.. went back to sleep.

Slept till 12.. got up..

Figured I would have coffee and get into some painter clothes.. and start painting the railings on the deck.

Got all the stuff out, and painted for about 4 hours.. got 1 side done..

More tomorrow.. it does look good.

...

That said.. it was a quiet day.

Nothing going on. 

I made early dinner..

Meatloaf..on the forman..

It was good. I changed the recipe ..

Added paprika.. 1/2 cup of italian seasoned porkrinds.. and added dijon mustard.. then I skinned and sliced a zuccini and pan fried it with onion powder, salt and pepper in olive oil.. yummy.. it was a good dinner. 

...

So after all that... Worked on a radio..and then went out for desert and a couple drinks.. still in my 12 hrs.. 

..

So..my mind..is making me think about my past..I am missing past intimacies.. relationships that dissolved and were great.. 

I am alone..marching to the latter part of my age.. no idea how it will end. I have made no future plans..

To obscure.. full of disappointment..

So better to not wish for fariy tales.. just wait and see what falls my way..

Or not.. 

I hope to have a place..down the road..that gives me some comfort..for the life I have lived..

Some justification of the things I have endured.. or at least.. an explanation..of why..

But..I hope to live long enough to have been able to look back and see that some where I made a difference..

Yeah, Im a dad.. and happy and proud of my childs life.. I know I had 50% of that responsibility..

She is a wonderful human. I know I helped that happen.

..

At this point ..if I can smile..a real true uncontrolled smile.. once a day..I am happy.

..

The human existence..is tough..

If we can find any point..that makes us happy..we should feel good..and lucky.

..

Look around you... 

If you have reasons to uncontrollably smile..you are so fortunate.. 

Take that as a gift.

It is for you.

..

If you look..it is there..

LOOK!!

...

Still here..

Missing you..

(Who ever you may be)

R