tough week

Had a long week. 

I was asked to work a double..and stayed late the day before .. it was unclear if I was coming in late or just working a double shift.. so I started at the regular time. Turns out, I was not needed to work late and went home after an hour an a half after mt regular shift.

 The scheduled trainining never happened, no one stayed for it..

But the night before we had a internet outage caused by corporates mistake and lost connections to the remote site.

So I ended up staying two hours.. then the next couple days each had late endings.

As well as stressful minutes of troubleshooting and repairs. 

I did get the recycle loaded and delivered.  Made the company $5300

There is still a few thousand left to be scrapped..but it will require a bunch of hours of cutting and sorting.. 

...

Paid the trip tolls and violation today..

And the house bills through the first week of September.

..

I have had no contact.. 

And dont expect any..

..

The underlying thought is always there. 

Expect nothing..you will never be disappointed.

I give people too much credit sometimes.  I expect people to act or react the same way I would..

'Do on to others'

And all that... 

But it has been my experience, that no one thinks the way I do.

..

I am probably wrong .. the way I think and interpret my beliefs..

I have proven time and time again, that no one thinks like me.. I am alone.. and probably will be for the duration.. 

I have made exceptions, pressing the round peg into the square hole.. it sort of fits.. but it becomes uncomfortable for them and they squirm and wiggle through.. and drop out.

No, I dont think Im unique..just not like everyone else.. I dont.. never have..fit in..and at this time in my place.. I wont have many or any chances to...

I need to forge ahead..find the things I can enjoy and forget about a 'happy' more than friendship..

It wont happen..it may have..but I may have been dreaming that it ever did..Im sure not on my terms.. 

Too many compromises.. allowances..and in the end it just never was meant to last..

..

I wont give up..but I just will stop trying.. it only brings pain and lonley..

.

Then leaves me wondering why..

.

If someone would be kind enough to sit me down and explain what I did or didnt do..or what they were expecting..and where I fell short..or where they lost interest.. or what they realized that made them pull away or give up.

Yeah, I dont think I am always at fault..but.. it always feels that way.

It just hurts to think about it..

It is worse for it to just end..and from where I see..for no reason.

..

I will never know. At least never in time to fix it.

..

So, I should give up.

..

I am ..this close to being free..of the requirement of the 9 to 7..

(Yeah 9-5 for the rest) ..

Im planning on putting in my time and walk.. 

If I have to do that by myself.. I will..and I will find a way to be happy about it.

...

R