no result

I have been working on an item at work. It was simply a missing power adapter. The one that charges the battery.. I had to adapt one.. then I found that the internal battery was not getting a full charge.. it was bad..so we ordered a set of batteries that needed to be combined to make the internal battery.. this finally came in this week.. so I disassembled the old one and assembled the parts to make the new one.. it was already charged. But didn't work..so today I got the controller and other components..and hooked it all up..

Not working on the battery.. the other parts had issues too, but I had to tear it all down and check the battery and the initial unit.. while metering it, I let some smoke out.. and I think I got that repaired.. but it's not runnning on the new battery still.. 

I will have to figure that out next week..

The other big radio is also not working..spent a couple days.. 

Turns out the tuning is the issue..if it is tuned to spec.. it has the noise issue every 7 channels.. I had tried detuning one of the modes and it was not as noticeable. ..but not correct.. so I went back in and checked the tuning again..and cannot get it right..

Another failure..

Need time away.. 

Bills are paid.. I'm broke..

I have groceries and car maintenance to do this weekend.. I will have to move reserve.. till next paycheck.. 2weeks... 

The money..is still not right...

Raises in 2 months.. not soon enough.. right now still $10 less than the last job.. I question that every week.. I'm sure I'd be miserable driving 100+ miles a day at nearly $4 per gallon..but it was way more $. 

I don't have a life now, so working and driving for more $ would not have been that bad..would it???

Second guessing.. 

I will stick this out.. hopefully I won't get buried in debt..so far..I've been good..no new debt.. all the old debt is gone.. just the house and utilities..and living expenses.. I owe about a third what my house is worth.. so I have that... My lawn is still crap, my house is still dusty...needs a good cleaning..at least the ants are gone...

And even though our diet has changed to accommodate..we are eating well....

.....

So..my road trip next weekend is an unknown..I will see if it is more than a drive.. no plan but open to changes..I could use a diversion..at the least accept an old friend as a travel companion. Not expecting romance . .. that time is past..but a renewed friendship would be nice..one of the reasons I came back..COVID  aside.. I wanted to rebuild old friendships and try to be understood...and understand my self better.. I was so wrong for so long.. and really didn't know why I did a lot of things..just old habits and thought that was how I was supposed to be..but..here I am..and the rest of the world has passed me by, and left me alone ...and wondering if I just had it wrong ..  since forever.. 

I realized .. recently, that I was looking at relationships incorrectly..too intense..and expected things to go my way . 

Part of that was because, I needed to have someone to be there.. and once I found that.. I was happy.. I did give all I had to make, keep them happy, but gave up on the hunt.. and they always lost interest.. I guess it was the same for them.. they knew they HAD me..and I was hooked.. and I stopped trying..and they gave up...they wanted more. And I wasn't aware ... So either they lost interest or tried to make me lose interest..

They eventually quit and left or forced me to leave..  

If you go from intense to nada.. it hurts..it's undescribable..you question everything..you blame them, you blame yourself.. you wonder why , what and when..you never get the answers, so you end up lost and repeat it.   

The problem is they don't know they even did anything.. they just know it's done..your done.

No going back ..

..

Yet. Here I am..always hopeful..

But less inclined to go that far..

Your not a kid anymore..and everything is a step , a commitment,  if you let it . 

I never learned the 70's mentality.. I'm still 'trained' ...and wish I could..

I have made changes.. subtle changes in attitudes..and not that it lasts..it is nice for a time..

But in my mind there is still no lasting happy . 

I'm getting too old for all this.. 

My years of having something to offer are diminished.. 

If you are not happy with having someone happy to see you or be with you . . I can't offer much more..

Phisically I can still rock . .

But no one to rock with..

I really just want someone to talk to..someone that is happy to know I am happy to know them..in every way. Someone that needs me as much as I need them..

Those days have passed...and I don't think I'm gonna find that..

..

Oh well..

... 

R

almost May

This month went fast. 

Work has been a mix, a few days if non-stop busy, and a few days of nothing much to do. Yesterday was busy, today I had busy work.

I'm planning a long weekend in two. 

Going for a drive, just me. L and J will fend for themselves. 

I'm using time and trying to destress. Just gonna be a few hours drive. No real plans on what I'm gonna do. Just sightsee and visit. 

I have put in for time in August for MOTM and L and I will both drive our cars. Planning on J coming up, but have to verify, may drop and pick them up at their brothers, for the weekend.  I have reservations for the hotels. I have to register for our place in line .. so far it is a light turnout.. but it should be a nice drive and a nice weekend.

Plans...

I have also volunteered to do the touch a truck in June.  The supv is doing the one in May..in my weekend off.. 

..

I saw that M has been having physical issues, I will have to stop by and see how she is doing. 

I am worried, her posts sound serious.

Donny never contacted me about the install..I was listening all day from 11a to 4p.. nothing.. 

I've been trying to figure out the big radio..I realize it's a tuning issue, either it's a bad component or a bad balance of the tuning.. I have to puzzle it out .

I have car maintenance to do.. probably do it myself.. I was thinking about the dealer..but it's a whole day, and don't want to waste that much time for an oil change and maybe brakes.

I need to send some messages and see how people are.. I have not heard much.

Time passes.. and ticks by.. 

R

slow weekend

It has seemed like a slow weekend.  

I have done little. I actually did get the mic fixed..and the amp fixed and delivered.. spoke with J about cat sitting.. and Started on the base radio.. not sure about the oscillation.. but figured out the meter lights...if he don't want them to dim..

..

So,I have an appointment with Donny to install his new radio in his truck..not his car..it would be easier .antenna is already done. .. just run power to the battery and change out the radio bracket..

.

I should see about cat services.  Either by me or the dealer.. 

The dealer would require time off . Maybe...some comp time.

Or just buy the oil and filters and do it.

...

Need to see about visiting with J. 

Sounds like she needs a shoulder or a hug. Or To talk. I know her family stuff has been tense.

.. 

R

plans

Yup! 

I have started.  I submitted for time off for MOTM . 

I have booked the hotels ..

Plans are both MINIs, all three of us.

Drive 10 hrs, stop for the night,drive another 10 hrs.. and arrive in Upper Michigan.. Thursday evening. Festivities for Friday and Saturday.. leave Sunday morning drive 10hrs to the same hotel and then another 10 hrs to home Monday evening. 

Not bad.. $900 for lodging, plus fuel and travel food.. souvenirs.. and snacks.. and admission.  $65 per driver and $55 per passenger..

I will have to ask Jen to look in on the cat. Hopefully that will be ok.

We may drop J at the old homestead.. to visit.. or not.. L will ask. We will be there..passing thru.. totally up to J.

... 

Then.. I ..in an effort to burn vacation I will loose.. ( I found I was wrong..it isn't there) ..so I am planning on a long weekend..for a solo road trip.. 2 days off .. and L And J will have to fend for eachother.

So L is taking 2 days off too .

But to be home.

..

I am testing the waters ..

L and J by themselves.. and me off ..to destress..

It will help determine the future events.

..

Time off updates in July..I should get 80 hours vacation.. and have the comp time and the remaining vacation from this year. 

..

Pay raises should happen first pay period after July. A 4% and a 4%retro back to January 1st. ..

Almost..

Still short of 2021..

I'm thinking 3 years.. and I will be closer.  But I don't plan further then 5 years.. maybe .

I could jump ship and try for a bigger payout.. this is tight.

..

A.. I miss you.

You would understand. And may have some wise thoughts to share.

But.  ..

:(

..

So.. in the very near future, I need to get both cars serviced.  Either I'm gonna do the breaks and oil.. or schedule dealer services..

Mine is due for oil.  Probably Pearl too .

..

Looking at the lawn..it may be time to do the first mow . Welcome to spring!

..

Let's see who is listening..

I fixed M's phone, I hope it's working as planned. 

I'm glad I could help.

I have a box of mics for Ennie..I looked at one no issue, looked at the other. .not working right.. I have the big radio to fix the oscillating problem..and I need to find Donny to do his install of Ennies mobile.

So there is stuff.

..

Work is ok..

I'm wondering if I made the wrong move.. the benefits really suck, and the time off schedule only works if you are new and young.

I'm not gonna get rich..I will barely make it to retirement. And it will probably hurt my SSI.. and I have nothing in 401k and IRAs.. I probably won't be able to pay the mortgage..

It will fall to L. But the house is worth 2x what I paid and 3 or 4x what I owe. So there is that...

..

So

The last thing .

I still have zip.

I am planning on revisiting an old friendship..but no real expectations. 30 yrs is a long time to try to be just friends. I know I am set in my ways and idiosyncrasies..I'm sure it is that as well. I can hope for a new old friend.

We always got along..and should not have difficulty finding things to chat about it do.

..

Ok..

I'm at a stop..

R

fence... and sun

Well, got up too early.  Realized it was actually Saturday.  Went back to bed.  Woke again.  Drank some water, went back to bed.  Finally got up and made the coffee. Then took a hot shower and did the grocery shopping.. when I got back..I noticed the fence was fixed! 

 So I finished the one on the bench sent the bill, got paid.. quick! 

Went with L and J to Plymouth for haircuts.. just L.. then back to the bay for fish n chips! 

So it was a good day. 

I sent some Bay pictures to Iceland, had a brief text.. it is good to be received. I really miss seeing her.  

Really.  But, the contact and response means a lot.

I really didn't get a lot done today, but I was busy all day. 

I got parts in the mail..I need to set up a time to do the install..maybe Sunday.. then I have a radio install on Monday, since its a holiday... 

Maybe I can get some more work done as well. 

...

So.. today my right shoulder is really sore.. I need a back rub..

But no one to ask. 

It will work it self out..

...

This is the place for the same ole lament .

Yes, I'm still bothered.  

I am just me and see no end.. 

I'm sort of trying to get out..but it's not the same.. I have no friend network..just me. 

My old standby is not helping..the radio is only for diehards.

I have no old friends that are in my life to help.. still just me...

Family.. ha! Forget about it.. 

Moving back... May have been the death of my personal life..

At least In CO.. I had a network.. places and people that knew me.. 

I'm here where I grew up..and I know no one, and no one knows me.. 

I'm just this old guy.. that people see.. or not.

...

Ok . enough of that...

..

Trying to get out of that funk.. clear my thoughts.  

I need to think about travel and time off.  Any way to relax.. stay sane.. 

Find something for me.. 

With the house guest.  It can be a help. If I want to go off by myself.. I can.  L and J can fend for themselves. No guilt. Or we can all go somewhere.  (That says expensive).. and on me..

Not looking for that.. and can't leave J by themselves..

No $$ no transport.. .

..

So it's me or all.. 

..

Really .... I have two choices... Stay home or head off by myself..for a couple days.  If I stay home .  It's either sleep or yardwork or car maintenance...not fun or relaxing .

I need to find a place to go.

..

Looks like the cost of living increase is a thing . Maybe by July 1st.. I will be making as much as I was in Colorado when I left in 2018.....

Ouch! 

It still is a big step back, really with no benefit.. traffic has sucked due to bridge construction..and inflation sucks the profit out of the wages..taxes are too high.  

I don't have a life .  Like I did when I was in Tv.  So what have I gained?

..I think I should rethink this .  I know money isn't everything. But. When you have nothing.. money helps ..

...

Ok..

R

more..

The last post was short. Ran out of time. 

I realized today that I was missing spaces..so fixed it. 

Today was busy.. drove down to reprogram stuff to fix a . .channel, we did it the regular way, and they wanted it non standard..so we had to go back and redo them all.. got it done.

.. 

Home I had a box on the front step and one from yesterday..and I shipped a complete one too.

Payment pending.. 

I worked on the first box, and am nearly done. Just have some final checks and then send the bill.

The second box needs actually the same things.  But maybe a bit more.

And I have the box of Mic s and another one to tune from wed. .. but that's a local job and only one mic is a rush. 

..

I was thinking about a couple long weekends in May.. or like Thursday Friday Monday Tuesday... For time off .  I could do Thurs Friday  for two weeks.. I need to use at least 32 hours.. but could use more.. 

I need to start fishing for a place to vacate to.. or just do a me excursion..

There is Michigan in August.. 

But that isa different vacation schedule.. and there is Jeremys wedding in the end of July.. but..I never got the invite.. not sure if they figure I won't come....I would have to trade on call weeks with someone..

..

Speaking of that..there is the it in Falmouth..in June.. I guess I should put in for it.. I don't think anyone else wants it.

It's easy money. 

...

So.. 

I'm still pretty lonely.  I have been diving into work and busy work as a way to not think too much about it.. but I'm on this road alone.. and there is no one that wants a ride.

.. 

Free falling....

...

No new vehicles I have seen.. a few more expensive ones.. and I could..

No good trucks . I need to look more..

.. 

It's a long weekend.. I should clean and do yard work.

Time to get the irrigation started..

Maybe spread some seed and fix the fence.

...

Hey! Is there any woman out there looking to save a loser like me? 

I just need someone to occupy my mind and time.. motivate me to have some fun. Get out of this rut.

Give me something to do, beside work. Just saying it out loud...

...

Yeah, I know . 

Kinda wasted text space. 

...

I have been on this planet for a while..and I have not figured it out..and no one has helped me..I have not helped myself either...

It took too many years to figure out that I was doing it all wrong..again and again.. 

I never figured out how to be the type i was trying to be..

If you can't find the one.. love the one your with.. find the ms. right now.. and all that.

I was raised to find your mate ..have a family and grow old together .

I failed a couple times.. but I got my kid.. and we are a family...if not minor disfunctional... Still we have eachother.. and are good .

..

Yet. I am by myself.  

.

It is what it is.

..

R

need to make time..to use time

It is the season. Work vacation time resets in June. Got to use what's left , I can only roll over 80 hours, I have 112..so I need to take 4 days off.

I checked my on call schedule, and need to find a time/date to take.

If I am going somewhere... I have to find it.  

Work has slowed a bit, but we are finding things to do.

So I'm doing good.. expecting a 

Raise.. cost of living..

More.. 

R

weirdness...

I have no idea what that was about.

It seemed like it wasn't connected or something.. 

Titles only . No content. 

I think it's working now.

...

April 2023.. 

I moved back here in 2018.  April26.

Been almost 5 years.. we made many changes and here we are .

In the last year I have changed jobs..

Before I moved, I had consolidated debt to a $480 per month payment and still had lots of credit card debt, more than $15,000. Which includes the moving fees and storage and such.. I sold my house and rented a POD to ship the belongings. Sold my old car... and drove here. L and I . We stayed with a friend and planned on helping them build a new home for all of us. 

Situations changed and we parted . 

I continued to pay off the consolidation till it finished, within the first couple months. Then all I had was the remaining $15k.. but my car died the week after we arrived, and I was pressed into buying a newer car. I found a house to buy, with a contingency of closing in November..so L and I needed to find a place to stay for a few months.. and we rented a cabin at a local motel.. 8 weeks.. then we moved into the house. I didn't use the house money to pay off the old debt.. I put it all into the new house.. 

So I continued to pay the debts.. the new house was great.  Nothing needed.. taxes and mortgage was high.. is high... But last year before I started the new job.. I paid off the $15k of credit card /moving debt.. I still have the car payments.. and been over paying it, so it's nearly paid off. 

The job change was smart and not so at the same time.. the loss of money can be justified with the rises in gas prices and inflation, but it's a third less take home than before. And the mortgage had gone up twice due to the taxes and insurance going up In the escrow.. plus the accidents causing the car Insurance to go up.. 

Also the utilitys have more than doubled . 

So now the lower pay is starting to hurt . I did get a small raise. And I'm supposed to see a cost of living increase soon.. but no where near the $5k a month I was getting.. 

But L has money and we have been using it to offset the difference.

I almost depleted the cushion I built.. but with out the monthly debt payments.. I am stable.. 

The side work has been helping.. I used that savings to rebuild the other car . And should get it back from L, as payment.

Also I am down to the last of the Chips.. 3 more out of 75.. with a $500 for parts.  And between $80 And $130 per piece.. that added up.. 

I did recently order another 25.  And get requests or inquiries each month. So, it has future monetary potential..

.. 

But.. here I am, 5 years into the new situation, and making it work.

It could always be better.. but it's good.

I still question the job change.. the money could be better..the work is good.. it has its challenges and it has many plusses.. if I could make the mortgage less, I would feel more comfortable..but.. no chance of that without selling and moving.. and the market isn't good for buying anything better/cheaper, downsizing isn't an option right now.. 

...

So that is it.. 5 years into my financial and still working it out.

...

My personal life is I guess still on indefinite hold.

Nothing new .no option. No opportunity. It is what I always fight..

I should be married and looking to retirement with someone..

But not for me. 

R

my blog is broke

nope

broke

I see my post is broke..damn.

absolut

Ok.. 

Yes.

I think..

I am here.

.

So..pick a topic...

My mind is open.. 

I dont have anything to rant about.

Yes, I have stuff I am dealing with..but..nothing major. 

I have accepted that I will be ..as I am.. alone.. for the duration..

I have no.. options.. as far as I see..

Nobody wants this.

I don't know what else to say.  I am me and I have lived this for so long..I just continue... And go on to the next day.  

I am nothing special ... I am me .. I have something to offer the right person. But no takers..

I grew up thinking.. I need to be established..solid... Have my own place, a good job, good finances.. a loving heart..but...here I am in 2023.. post pandemic.. no debt.. regular bills..working hard ..  and no one..none..that realizes it . 

Years of struggle.. an the only one I am..or can impress is me.

....

I could have been so many different persons. But I ended up here...

.,

 So..now. .for years..... Im alone..

Not finding  anything close to a partner ...in every sense of that word.

Yet . I am me.. and stuck ,

Damn

R

almost missed it

We got a late start out for the Thursday evening drive, and almost missed getting our food, I called it in and ordered it, minutes before the grill closed. 

But food ordered and we get to eat. 

It was a good busy day. We got stuff done. I did get an after hours call and was unable to close the ticket, but figured it is good.  I need to send an email... 

R

phone connection issues.

They have been playing with the new cell phone amplifier at work.  I was making small adjustments to my phone to see if it helped .  I guess I should have left it alone.. I just realized the new settings was causing issues outside of work. So, I returned them to normal.

Maybe my messaging apps will work better. 

My blog post from last night was still in drafts.. so I resent it tonight.

This really only matters to me...I'm not sure anyone is reading this any more.

...

It is what it is.. 

...

I have started on the last of the 3 repairs.. and fixed a few minor issues and aligned it.. the receiver was way low.. much better now. So some minor clean up and I can ask if he wants more or leave it as is.  Then finish the other two with the final steps..and bill and ship.

..

Been wet and cold today..but it stopped before sunset..and maybe tomorrow will be nice. Not that I have any plans.. maybe deposit a check and go to Lowes.. 

.. 

Nothing much left.. my brain is kinda quiet tonight. 

...

Maybe, I should try to get up early tomorrow and get in the car and take a drive.. in 5 hours I could be somewhere.  Take some pictures.. say hello and come back .

...no . .. can't..I'm on call..

It was a thought..

..

Maybe more later...

R

the last day.

Yes, March 31. 

Yeah, big deal. I did not accomplish anything this month.

Not that I was trying to... I do find that each day is its own.. and if I find something to do or someone to help..I have done something. 

But, I am isolated... Outside of work, I have no network, no friends to help me stay busy. Yes I have the CB and all that goes with that.. sometimes it's rewarding, either being able to use my skills or just to make a few dollars. I do learn something most of  the time.. I also can share some of my knowledge with those that ask. But usually I just accept their request and do what is best. Most are happy with the result. 

I did a lot last year.. even had to be creative to make sure I claimed the revenue in my taxes.  It will be interesting to see if this year is better or worse. 

..

I hope the regular finances improve.. 

Yes the job change was timely, but I feel that I am still struggling.. I have asked L to pitch in and she has..or let me pay some bills with her monies.

But if I had stayed I would be busier and driving more, but I would have more money and less free time.. which right now the money is more useful and the free time is not.

.. not when you are alone.. free time is something to fill with mindless stuff so you don't notice.. now I know why I was the way I was in Colorado..

...

So.  I am just doing..as always. But not trying to stress too much about it.. for the most part..each day is filled and I go on to the next.. I am amazed that it's April.. the winter passed by.  Not even a storm to break the same ole.. I missed any chance to go anywhere.. no snow skiing.  No road trips south . Yeah, we go down to the end of the Cape every Thursday.. and have subs and come back.. and we are going to dinner on Saturdays... But that's all. 

Last Sunday.. I got up early .it was nice and sunny . I was indoors.. and just worked on radio repairs.. all day..I had no reason to go out..no where to go. No one to see, no money to spend.

Pretty boring..

...

Not really sure what I am getting at..I really have no point. 

I'm on call for another week..I've had 2 calls in the last 2 days..only put in for one.. the other was over and done before I got my dinner after work.

.  

I have one more mail in radio to start..I've done the other 2. I still need to finish the first.. add the $$ part.. and ask about the second.. I may wait till I look at the third.. and see if he wants to add $250 to the $200 already approved.

If not it's just $330.

.. but it will have taken 3 weeks. 

Time counts too.

...

Ok.  

I'm feeling a bit lonely. I have no one to talk to.  Even the CB has been quiet locally..when it has been busy..I have not wanted to talk..so I listen.

But.. it does nothing for my isolation.

.. L and Jarre are not awake or available..at those times. And it is just me .. sometimes I could check on the one..but..no .. I'm not looking for that.  The other option is busy with their new situation.. so dont want to intrude .. 

So . ..no one.. just me .

....

I realized today. .. I don't think I've thought this before ...

J was the third .

First was C. Then M.. then J.

Wow! That was so long ago.. just wow!.

The list is not long..more what ifs than done that's.. but.. wow. I have known J a long time. 

But, it is a different time.. we all have lived through much.

It's just a fond memory.

..

Not much else.  

I will send a hug to anyone that finds this blog, I appreciate the views.  

This is just the lament of a lonely guy..trying to make my way to the next day .

Good night

R