early thought

Looking at tonight's sky, and the moon... I thought .. I hope that you think of me, sometimes..and smile.

So.  The tool does not fit.

I asked a friend to borrow one.

So maybe tomorrow I can get that part done.

I may send the new one back.. I may not.. if the postage is $10 bucks each way.. I only get back $30.. I'd be better off just keeping it and modifying it for future use.

I still need to fix the valence.. then wait for the hood and fender paint, and put the rest back together. 

...

I almost sent a msg.. but the contact bubble kept disappearing..

 I know a simple excuse..

..

I have been trying to install the kit in the 142.. what a pain.. the documentation..little that there is.. is not complete, not accurate.. I have made a few mistakes..and some corrections.. and it seems to be working.. still a few weird issues.. I guess I will have to figure it out..

I should be writing a guide .. but none is straight updating..there is some discovery first . It's just not smooth.. 

It seems cool.. and if I can get it to work right, it will look good..

....

My car needs some work as well, but can't have both down..so it will have to wait . .. rear brakes, an alignment..before it eats my new tires.

...

Tomorrow is Sunday.. I can do a lil car work, maybe some radio work.

Next two weeks is on-call . Hopefully my raise will be in the next paycheck..I'm in the reserve for $2k.. and little left in the available funds.

Of course I'm gonna get it from L, when it's done.. but all has not come from the house money.. so we are just getting tight.. utilities, internet, phone, food.. it's all gone way up. 

I don't have any other bills, except the car payment.. 

But we are gonna get by.

. 

We will see ... 

..

My initial thought .... Is for you..

And I always wonder if I am remembered . ..fondly or just as a bump in the road.. 

These things are always more special to me than the other.. 

But.. that is how it always has been.

No wonder I never see the interest till I focus.. most times it's too late.. sometimes is not late enough... 

I have tried to be less eager..but never with the right one.. if I'm me.. and happy for the interest.. I get to eager..too happy ..too attached.. and it burns out.

No middle ground.. 

If it's mutual..it usually lasts about 3weeks to 9months.. not 20 years.. well 15.... 

Yeah, rehash of all the previous complaints.. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing ...right or wrong.. 

I realize it's always different..and the patterns vary.. but more so in the last decade, it has been me that backs away.. I guess, it's been 50/50.. before it was always them.. leaving me wondering.. now I see ... And I have a few confirm why they backed out..some I just had to figure out. Some I never did.. 

I will probably never know.. after all this time I'm sure they don't even remember.

.. funny.. I remember a lot about them.. 

Again.. I wonder if when you..think about me.. is it a happy thought? 

..

I still need to try to get some snow skiing done.. there has been a lot of snow up north..and once I get the cars straight, I should make an effort.. maybe call Dan and meet him at some mountain.. or go up and visit a friend or two...

I have an invite.. I should touch base and see if it's still open.

...

Jeff, has had his leg surgery, and found out he has ankle damage too.. probably the reason he needed to go to the hospital early.. .

Speedy recovery brother!

..

Ok. 

That's it for the info.. I don't know of anything else...

HEY! 

Think about me..........

R

progress.

I decided to install the control arm and the sway bar links.. it was easier this time. I got the airbag installed and the module. The tire rod tool finally came in.. I will try to get that done this weekend.. the hood is on its way..should be here Tuesday. Then I need to get it to Glen for paint. Jeff is in the hospital...with leg issues. I hope it goes well.

So maybe if the final parts arrive and the painting goes well, maybe by the first or second week of February....

Hopefully..

Still no contact.. but I did see one post.. but no info , no pictures..

I hope all went well.. not sure of the current location. 

I guess, I should ask..

...

I had a thought earlier, but it is gone..

.. 

Nothing new, anywhere.. 

The month is nearly done..and my finances are low.. all the bills are paid..and my raise is soon .

Probably not much..but it all helps.

...

Tax time is next.. I almost have all my documents..but a simple return this year, less the PayPal profit and loss.. no student loan interest.. no medical.. so deductions are at an all time low.. no claimable dependants..

Should be interesting...

R

anniversary..

I made it through the first year at work.

No fanfare.  No raise ..yet.

Been working on the car.. the hood is not fixable.. so I have ordered a replacement.. it will need to be painted.. but my friends dad is going to do that with the bumper cover and fender.. he was able to fix the old bumper cover.. the current one was shattered.. I got the radiator support. It was undamaged..but may not be so great.. some of the alignments were off..but I did get it in.

I got the tire replaced too.. warranty! Cost me $27 to update the warranty.

The sway bar links came and I modified them today. 

The airbag, sensors and module are here.. I will need to get them installed..maybe tomorrow. 

The weather has been cold,wet, and snowy, then warm.. but I was able to get stuff done after work a few times. 

The radiator support is installed, the radiator is filled, the drivers headlight is installed and the passenger light is repaired. Washer bottle and hoses are installed. 

I should get the tie rod tool tomorrow and I have the new full tie rod to install, if that goes well I can put the control arm in and reassemble the wheel hub. 

If all that goes as planned, then just need to wait for the hood and paint.

...

I have not contacted any one.. and no contact.. go figure.. been a few weeks.. 

...

Still getting radios done.. been looking at the 142.. cleanup then maybe the whole kit.

...

I have spent mostly car parts money out of the PayPal account.. it's down to $300.. 

So I need to do some radios.. to bring it back up..

.. 

I would like to get back to having two cars again.. then I wouldn't feel so restricted. I have to get all the things done in time to be home to cook so L can go to work.

...

Soon...

Then.. I may go skiing.

...

As before .... 

Nothing else going ..

The time/days are going ..

Advancing.. always.  Nothing else new.

...

ISTBA..  yeah .

Back to that in my head.

R

car parts

Yes, been spending my nights searching for parts.. good prices, fast shipping. So far so good.. spent a bit.. my friend's dad has offered to do some body work, fix the hood, fix the bumper cover, paint the parts.. 

The saved radiator support is useless..so had to order another. Once that comes in, I can start removing the old one, drain the radiator, and start the reassembly processes.

The headlight was hard to find.. I decided on a used one with no damage..turns out it arrived today, damaged internally.. so I have to disassemble it and fix a mount and reassemble it. 

Fingers crossed..

I have also ordered new crash sensors.. I hope I don't need them, but will see if I need them.

Just over $1000 in parts.. then maybe $200 for paint.. and a few days to assemble it. 

May be done by the end of the month?? Hopefully.

Nothing anywhere else going on . I did finally wire my new microphone, and it works ok..

I need to rearrange my desk to get it usable. 

I have a few radio projects to do.. and another repair going back tomorrow. So it's business as usual.

Welcome to 2023!

R

someday...

Someday I will figure out what I am, either doing or not doing.

I have not been thinking too hard about it.. but .. looking through pictures of my last trip.. 

It should have been bliss.. 

But beside being a reminder of the fact that it was probably the last time In a long while that I will be in physical proximity.. which at times bummed me out.. and then the hot and cold feelings coming at me.. which ended in me sleeping on a small roll away bed by myself in one of the nicest places I booked.. cold and alone.. and the memory of our last coupling... Where I felt I was hurting them physically and restrained myself.. 

And that was that. 

It could have been so much more, and should have been much more..

Now.. I am just me..and no hopes on my horizon..just work and being alone..and getting close to nothing .

I try not to think about it.. but I second guess when I do.. and wonder what I did or did not do right.

I originally thought I had found that lost piece.  Then figured out I needed to enjoy the friend I had rediscovered.. then .. I was left by the side . .. I have a picture....of them walking away.. the last time I saw them.. ..

I know they told me not to get attached.. because they were not looking for a boyfriend.. and I know that. I was happy being a close friend..but I think the gap has opened..and keeps getting larger.. 

All the regular opportunities are gone.. 

I do not have a network of friends.. and if the few I have.. I am not in the preferred group..I am usually just a tool or a bank.. but not someone to call to hang out with.. I may have done this to myself.. I spend most of my time by myself..alone.. usually at home.. or work.. not much else.

Even when I go out..it's alone to sit and drink by myself in a room full of people that I don't know..

...

I wonder . .. 

I thought it was because I was too intense..or too controlling or set in my ways.. 

But I look.. and see that my ex girlfriend..has a new love..and he is in family pictures..and not a ghost..

I was a ghost.. not by choice..but that is where she put me.. probably because she thought I asked for that..I didn't.. I w

Always wondered why she never introduced me to the rest of her family..like her dad..

No clue.

..

I had to be me .

I just don't know ...what I am doing or if I can change..I guess I have been doing this all my life. Because..I am here.

...

No one will tell me the truth..

I guess even I am lying to me too.

...

So, working on the car.. got the airbag out, got the module out.. ordered the reset..ordered a replacement airbag.. ordered a wheel arch.. the control arm will be here Monday..the fender cover arrived today.. I am gonna remove the hood and pull old bumper cover out and see if they can be fixed.

If not.. buy the replacement.

....

Maybe I can get it finished by February..

So probably no early skiing..

No visits..

No life till after

..but what else is new.

Till next time...

R

happy new year..2023

Ok.. the car is repairable.. I have begun the process of ordering and buying parts. 

I have also been looking for a third car. So Will have something to drive till the car is fixed.

I looked at one.. went back and bought it . Cash . Drive it home, fine on the highway. Then on the side roads at slow speeds after it warmed up..the wheel was shaking.. I had Jeff check it and the transmission was hard shifting in first second and third gears.. and it just got worse.

So I took it back immediately and got my money back.

The second one I looked at, I started the engine and the owner said oh that noise is a bad belt.. no it was a bad timing chain.. major engine problem..

So back to square one.. 

But I will need to get back into fixing Ls  car.. think about the spare car later.

I need to see if I can get the hood fixed, and paint the parts 

More later..

R