long week...

It has been.

On call . Got called Sunday morning.. and went out to Yarmouth PD to work on their system. 

A repeat call..turns out to be the adapter we didn't change last time.. took a while to troubleshoot, and found that my van laptop needed a hard drive replacement.

Got them up, no more Elk call on reply.. done.. 5.5 hrs OT!

Some other calls for OT as well.  Simple check and open trouble tickets.  And one to fix an upgrade we did.  Finish a wiring update the next day.. then Thursday we went out to install a system, rather configure an installed system in a truck..it went bad .and spent a time back tracking..but got it back to square one..

Today's task was to figure it out and figure out how to fix it.. with little help and lots of patience..I think I figured it out..

So Monday I will test my procedure and document it and see if I can get the next one setup...on the test bench.  Then if all is good and I actually understand the process..I can go out and fix the one from Thursday and be ready for the new set in the future.

Then back to the other repairs...

Figure that one out...

The home repairs have been moving on.. I have ordered some parts, I'm waiting for those to come in.. 

I shipped some chips..and did an install..but forgot to quote the install labor..so I didn't end up charging for that.. but shipped it, and he has more..I may have to pad the next bill to recoup.. .maybe.....

We will see..

I have another set..new in box even.. but he wants ..parts replacement..I'm still waiting on those .. I can go thru them and see what else is needed and do the part upgrades after.. they are like new! 40yrs old and still in the box! Plus he wants to give me one and keep the better one.. 

I may just send them both back..so he can sell it..I have no use..

...

So.. I have not initiated and new contact.. and naturally heard nothing back ... 

....

I have had no other contact.. 

Except..I probably missed my chance to re-connect with an old friend..I saw her in the post office and didn't approach her.. kinda kicking myself now..I should have.. but just not the right time..I guess..

I have been here  almost 5 years..and this was the first close encounter..

I missed my chance.. maybe was not meant to be..

I have heard nothing more from M  on the D situation..but I'm guessing I need to reach out..because she won't. I am concerned..but..don't want to overstep..

I did speak w L regarding the roommate possibility..I am apprehensive..but not against it..

I have some reservations..

Distance.. we are a ways from their home..if it don't work..they will have to have a way back..

They don't have a daily job..they freelance..and have no bank accounts and no money..no license no car.. probably not gonna look for employment..

They have a special diet..may be out of my expertise..and with no money..or limited funds..would mean we would be that support.. and not sure I need a 23 yr old dependant.. 

.. just not sure..

But.. still just work, home , eat ..sleep..repeat...mode

Really nothing else going on..

...

So..my income has hit the baseline..

I think I have to watch the check book balance.. it is much less than it used to be . ..but the cushion is safe..

I have deferred a lot to L and not curbed my spending..I can and probably will.. I do have radio money..and it is self-generating..and doing well.. but keeping it separate.. especially for tax purposes...

The profit/loss calculation is active!

I guess that is the recap.. 

I really wish there was more on the 'other side' but..no.

R

another Thursday...

Out for our drive and dinner.. recently it has been subs from Georges Pizza in P-town.. two hour drive..out and back .. since it's Summer..lots to see..

But primarily drive and food and drive..

Work has been steady and home work too. 

I did mow the lawn.. and got half of the car parts.. so will be starting that.

May be adding a roommate.. if need be.. someone that needs a safe place to be. We should be able to adjust..

We will see if it's needed.

Still an occasional contact..if I instigate.. but the time difference is much greater.. sounds like fun.

That's it for now..guess I will head home.. tomorrow is Friday.. still on call.. but..

R

more...

Yeah, the car parts went on backorder and then we're cancelled. So today ordered again from a different company.. 

Maybe arrive next week.

...

So, say an online status.. said 'how are you?'.. no response.. probably asleep.. it was late there.

Lots of emails and forum messages.. and social media messages.. 

Answered a few.. even a text..

Got work coming! 

Working on the PA radio.. so far not a real issue.. gonna try the other mod.. and see if he is happier if that is more stable..maybe do both.. it could work.

So.. I finished folding L's laundry..and put up the radio..and went out .. just to not be home working all night .

Groceries tomorrow.. maybe mow the lawn . .. and maybe weed a bit .

Prob sleep late then work on radios .

Then the usual drive west.. and drive-in burgers..

I did get a small raise.. and paid for past comp time and carries over sick time.. I have 48hrs vacation.. 6days..

Just have to figure when to use it and if I am going somewhere...

Maybe visit Dave..or go to Colorado.. 

Or Canada.. or key west...

Or Europe..maybe Spain.. or just stay home.........

Yeah.. boring.

No one in my life to share things with.. L won't . And no one else is around.. 

Maybe I can convince L ..just ride.. 

MTTS is over.. and nothing on the horizon..

No one is demanding my attention..it time.. no real pending projects...

Just work on L's car.. 

Mow the lawn..maybe clean the house..

I can't convince anyone to come visit..so why bother?? 

It sucks.

So..just fix radios..and go to work..

Take local drives 2 days a week.. 

I screwed up somewhere.. back in the past.. and sent me down this path... I don't see any way back.. and no correction in the future..

Oh well.

So that is all for this visit.. 

R

after trip..back to work

Yes, I made it back. 

Return flight was delayed.. we got back and left the airport at 9:00p.. bus landed at 10 ish and my car was fine. Got home ok. 

Limited groceries on Saturday.. decided to use what's in the freezer..rotate it out.. got too much in there.. 

So, finished that.. then went for the evening drive and Sunday worked on the old radio.. finished it, by 11:00pm.. long day. 

Texted Ruben to contact the owner hopefully able to meet and deliver on Monday after work.. didn't happen.. 

Nothing for almost a week.

Now he wants me to drop it down..

We will see. 

Nothing new on the BIG radio..but.. I looked at how to program the oscillator... Nothing yet..

So I started working on the other one from PA.. he is a pain..keeps wanting me to fix design errors..beyond the normal fixes.. and emails once a day.. I've had the radio for a month..on queue...

But he pays on time.. so I will do what I can.. I have 2 other current customers radios.. next..one I need to place an order for..and do the actual repair.. the other is a best of 2 tuneup.. 

Ls  car is making a clunking . ordered parts.. 

Next

R

work trip...coming up

Planned since April. I leave on Sunday, returning on Friday.

Work training.. going with Todd and Owen. 

Off to Illinois.. 

L will have to fend for herself.. she said she was worried about me.. not herself.. travel .. COVID.. and such. I will be careful..but have no real worries.. about travel.

I do worry about her.. eating right or even at all... She is capable..but not sure if she thinks about it. 

Tomorrow is grocery day..and not much on the list..I actually have to put this week's in the freezer..we never got to it all.

Radio work has been busy..and I have been catching up.

I have not heard from A .. sent her a short msg.. maybe will get a response.

I guess I really messed that up this year.. 

What can I say.. 

I lose myself when I know she is here.

She said the same.. she expects contact, and second guesses the lack of response.. then goes off on tangents trying to figure me out.. as do I with her.. 

If this keeps up..we will never be more than passing friends.

Thanks karma.

Not like I don't try...

Oh well.. 

I have always been ... Here... By myself.. most of the time..

Yes, a few bright spots.. but it gets cloudy and then it's night..

...

I met this guy.. he says he used to know me..and I may not remember him.. his name was ISTBA... Not sure if I know him.. maybe.. kinda a weird dude..

So... I tried to figure out where I  was on my WBT.. I see I am 79 out of 110 to completion of the 29th tour.. I don't think I can finish 31 in 5 days..it could only be 20.. but .....

Just a thought..

I think I need a vacation...

Maybe .. Colorado........

Maybe I should go visiting.....

Something.

The locals..

Stuff going on.. not sure if I am a help or hinderance.. but maybe reach out and see.

Not that I can do much to help.

..

I just realized.. .again.. I am in limbo.

I have no goal .no destination..no one to persue..or take my time.

I have been in this rut.. just doing what I know..the day today repitition..

Even my bills have been reduced to the point that they are not my focus.

But, I have nothing to focus on..

Just work and radios...

Sad.

Lonely.

Yep.. that is me.

R

always a way to see what is on my mind

Yes, this blog is always a way to see what is hidden in my head. 

I  come back and read what I posted and sometimes surprise myself...

Yes, it is always true and the real me.

Nothing fake here. 

Sometimes I omit details to prevent issues.. but most times it is extremely uncensored.

The real truth..

Which is why I have to come back and see what I posted.. because it can be something I didn't know. 

You the reader may know more about me than I do..

More later.. 

R

July 2022

Well here I am.. 

Funny...I really don't feel that alone..

I am..but I have had a few bright spots in my life..and work and non-work has been taking all my energy.. 

I do have dedicated time with L and it fills in each week.

Having A here and getting to the no stress level was very nice..but very short.. in a few days she will be off to Europe..and I will be here.. back to my norm.. 

It really is all I have.. 

I have more than enough to be occupied.. 

..

One thing..

I cannot figure out why I cant be more expressive with this situation.. 

I do love her..I think she knows this.. 

I have told her.. but..the contact has been so light.. it is still stressful to show it beyond polite courtesies. 

We have been intimate..but it has always been an after thought..never a focus.. 

Oh I always want to go there.. always.. but something in my mind stops me.. I want to be a gentleman..a nice guy..not some animal.. and I don't see her as accepting that type.. but.. 

We do enjoy each other's touch and company. 

I cannot deny I want way more.. mentally and physically.. I really need more physically...I have lived this long..with so little contact on a physical level.. the whole 20 years in limbo..and the last bunch... Few and far between.. it's July! .. the last was  December.. once.. !

I realize.. that this is all I get. 

A bit.. just a bit... 

No more.

Yeah . I'm a dweeb.. always have been ... Always will be.. 

Yes. .. a lonely dweeb. 

Now .. I'm just me ... On an old fart..

Living in a post-covid world..

Still timid...still afraid to assert myself.. or to even try to be assertive..

Where the hell is ISTBA? 

I guess he abandoned me..

Well, in a few days..I will carry on .

As I have for the past few..

If work don't replace me with the new guy.. I will keep on... Keeping on.

Maybe, I will plan a trip..

One for me..and see where I end up.

I am blank.. and a bit drunk..

So.. till the next..

R