Lost thoughts

Through the course of the day..i get thoughts..usually when i am driving .. which i do alot...nothing but the traffic and the radio...
I dont have a way to document these thoughts..some i think would make great blog posts.. but lost..
I do spend a  considerable amount of time alone with my thoughts...
No one that cares to listen so i dont share.. except bere.. and lately been too tired to try to organize a thought to post.

I need to figure out how to activate the voice recognition on this phone.

Anyhow.. i did get the car i was working on finished..new tires..after spending 4 hours in the tire shop..i got the state inspection sticker.. now a week later..i have a leaky tire.. tomorrow i have to take it in..
But it is driveable..
Today i got L"s phone fixed..had to go to the phone store and have  them replace the sim card and reassign the pbone to my account. Now the internet works and that means the GPS will work.

Did some more electronic work in the basement..just 3 more in line to be worked on..
I found out i will be covering my coworkers vacation next
Month..meaning 2 weeks of 3am shifts.. That means starting my day at 1:30am. Fun!

Funny thing..i was looking through an old phone book i had..and found an old friend..i searched online and found they still live in the same place..and i have been missing them everywhere.. i was in the same places they were..many times.. i know i had searched for them before and did not find them.. strange.. also..they know people i recently met..strange..

Small circles..

I wont contact them..but good to know they are still around and doing well.

There are a few people i would like to find..maybe meet up and chat..
But..my schedules dont match most people..and no one knows i am even here.. probably never will.

The thing i realize..
I am here..and settled.. yet.. i am really handicapped..
I have no network..no friends..just me and L.
Mostly my fault..because i dont trust everyone..anyone.. i dont open up to many.. i dont know when to open up or shut up..
Most people dont care or want to hear my baggage..
I dont know how to start a conversation with a stranger.. i dont approach people i dont know..even someone i would want to know..this is what i have been struggling with all my life..

I dont know how to approach people..
I also rarely realize when someone is approaching me..to get my attention.. i miss it.. i just dont see it..expect it..

All my life..i have chased the unattainable or sustainable..
Then was out of circulation by my own choice..in a dead end..
Now..here i am
Alone.

No real surprise there..

R 2/24/19