Time to talk..

Well it has been a few months since my last post.
Everything went well. Packing..sorting.. Scrapping... Planning.. Travel..selling my house.. Quitting my job..accepting the new job..site unseen..dealing with old work stuff...people .. Trying not to be 'The jerk'. Trying to help. As well as trying to be ready for all the new i stepped into.
Yes, i made bills..spent money as needed.. Then..planned on bills going away in order.. Not having major new bills.. Having a better salary..and more hours..overtime for the first time in 7 years...
Just to have my car die..3rd day into the new job.. I had to buy another.. I needed reliable transport.. Now i have a broke car to fix.
I spent money as needed.. It is not an issue..
I am whittling away at the old bills.. And making good $$, to keep the new from being an issue.. I need to help more.. Groceries and dinners are not enough..
I need to save.. I need to pay my share..
I need to find that place..where i don't have to ask..
I am as responsible as the rest.. I am a major breadwinner..i can help.
I try.

I try to explain my situation to others..
Some get it .. Right away..
Those that know me..
Others.. Look bewildered.. Cautious.. Concerned..
I have seen it before..
I believe i have worked this out..

Friends to the end.

Oh, i know.. Where i am.
I know what i am capable of accomplishing.
I know how to smile.
I know how to create smiles..
I usually can find the rainbows in the rain.

Yes.. I can ignore the things that make me ache..
I have learned to accept the positives.

Sometimes...
Usually..
I accept a lot..
And deal with more than most can..

Yeah.. All that low self-esteem crap i am so used to..

But... I can deal with so much..as i always have..
I am not new..to this.. I tend to repeat.. But i do so willingly.

I never do anything i don't think through.

I usually know where i am stepping.

Yes, i delude my self...and hope for the fantastic....
But i know 'truth'...
Reality.

I am not that guy....

I am that guy..that loves.
If you are that love...
Make me smile..grin..
I will not disappoint.

If i do...
Tell me.

Time to walk home.

R