Offer one..

Here I am .. The first had a delay..and have not heard much. The second...has put an offer on the table..it is so far above where I thought it would be.. I am going to accept in the morning. I will need to find out how soon I am needed..and plan accordingly. Then I need to speak with my current boss and let him know.. Then starts the countdown.
So much to get done..
I told my Assistant..and the supervisor that works for me..I offered him my house..he will check into his financing to see if he can.
If not.. Time to clean it up and put it on the market.
Fast fast fast..
I can do this!!
I want to do this!

I have been so happy these past weeks.. Since the end of December, really.. I have noticed this.. I think others have too..
I just need to spread it around..make a few others smile..

Hey! You!! SMILE!!!

I think L is ready. She gave me a hi-five after hearing about the offer.
I hope this will be what she needs too.
I have a lot to do..figure out and get done..
The time is now.

Wow!!!!

R 3/29/18

It seems like time has slowed...

Like most things ..when you are waiting..it seems to take forever to do anything... Or get anything accomplished..but I know..once I accept..and have a for real deadline.. There will not be enough time to get it all done.
I have had successful interviews..maybe one or two more... No offers yet..but the are contacting my references..and so far I think it is going well.. I have a preference..but.. Both will work..
I think this is the best option..
Others are involved..and details will need to be finalized..
Easy enough.  At least it seems that way.
I am not even thinking it will be anything else.
For now..it looks really positive..
I have been happy..yes. Happy since I came back from my vacation..
I was looking for things to align..fall in place..
They have .. And continue to ..I cannot ignore.. I will not.
I think something or someone has seen our struggle..and how much we work..for everyone else.. And decided.. It is our turn.. I am so ready.

We all are.

I still am waiting for..decision time... But.. It will happen quickly after that.

I have history of making the wrong choices.. But sometimes I see the right thing to pursue.. And it pays off.. All involved are happy.. Smiles all.

Hey... If you know me...personally.. And you catch me..with a 'perma-grin' (refer to previous posts).. Call me on it.. Point it out...
Sometimes..most times.. I don't even know.. 
Until I realize my face hurts..

I used to be called 'smiley'... It has been a while..
Life..and people get in the way..

If I cannot help smiling when I am around you.. That is it..
Claim it because it is how I feel .. Because of you..

OK..let's keep this rolling.. Get those money offers in.. Give me a reason to choose.. And let's get this next chapter started.

Smile..
Good things ahead..
Don't we all deserve that much??

R 3/27/18

Small world

I was out scraping and painting my garage door.
My neighbor came home and asked if I drink beer..and if so what kind..
He is the neighbor that started selling real estate last year..and has recently put his house up for sale.. It seemed like a good opportunity to ask about how his was going... Oh..it sold in 20 days.. He had 26 showings.. I explained my situation..and he offered to help... Even just get me a feel for how much my house is worth.. He said..I should not do too much.. He offered to take a look and make some suggestions.. What I should do and what to not do.
He was very helpful..and offered some more help.. One of 2 reasons I was painting the garage.. He had just painted his..and it looked really good.. Mine needed it and it has been warm enough. One less thing..
I measured the living room.. Maybe remove the carpet..put in laminate or hardwood.. Maybe.
I also put the other car on the battery charger.. Maybe start it up and move it out front.. And put on a for sale sign.. Then maybe an ad on Craig's list.
Maybe...another venture in the crawlspace.. Move out more boxes.. More for the trash...

It is overwhelming..if you plan it..think about it.. Just start a little at a time. 

R 3/25/18

Is it time yet?

I am getting eager. I want to hear something.
Yes or no.. I should look again this weekend.
I have a few things to do..should do..we will see.
I was having a conversation with the guy that was talking about buying a house last year.. He is planning again. I wanted to ask..but cannot yet... I have to have an offer...at least one.. Then I will start those plans rolling.
Maybe I will hear next week.

I have to start cleaning out a few things .  maybe put the old car up for sale. Start a system to purge out stuff I know I won't ever need.
Stuff I had collected over time. I have been in this spot for 15 yrs. Junk accumulates.  I should start.. But I'm kinda waiting for a 'go'.

Tomorrow is Friday.. Still things to get done.

Night.

R 3/22/18

Hello Wednesday..

It has been an interesting day. I slept poorly.. Had a morning appointment that lasted till 3:30.. A corporate boss.. Which went well..all in all.
I also heard from a former boss..he had a call from one of the places I applied to... Which he said went well.
.. I have another..which will happen this week...hopefully.
This could happen fast.. Or not.
I think..no..I know I am ready.
Let's get this started.

I finished my department reviews.. Everyone exceeds expectations.
Not that it will get them $$.. But not on me.

I may not make the cut..for the positions I applied for..
But it is a start.. If I get an offer..it is better...monetarily.. Than where i am... And has upward future possibility.. Why would I not accept.??
I would..with out question.
I have a plan..I have discussed a plan.. I have .. Help.. Someone..in my  corner.. Apparently.. More than two.. I cannot ignore that.

Offer.. Counter.. Make me choose... I will.

I am so ready..

I won't hurt you.
You won't hurt me.
We can build something.. That we can be happy to be a part of.. Be comfortable.. And..be happy with.. Provide a future for..everyone.

It is not selfish..it is perfect..everyone will have something.
Plus.. We will have each other..and..ours will too.

Let's make this happen!
I am ready.

R 3/22/18

The Clock has started..

It is still Monday

You know..as Monday's go.. I smiled my way through it.
I know things not many know.. Things that make me smile.

I also have approval... Very important..I have it..
That makes me smile..
I made the grade..
Don't let him hurt you..
Don't hurt him...
Wow!
That means a lot.
More than I can say...
I know..how important that is.. That makes it important to me.
It makes all the difference in the world..
We can make this work.
Smiling.. Ear to ear..my heart is jumping..
I need to make this happen...
I can!

So many little things can be repaired..through this..
Smiles will be the norm...not the elusive ..
Everyone involved will be happier.. I know I will....
Yes..a few stressful moments.. Ahead.. But make it..happen.
No one loses.
Even over time.. It is a carefully planned.. Scenario..

I know it will work.

It happened because..it was meant to be..otherwise..it would not be so simple or easy..

Wow!

R 3/20/18

Great minds ..tend to think alike...

I'm glad we spoke..I was gonna burst. I couldn't keep it in much longer..I was doing real good.. Really.. I didn't share.. L knew.. But no one else.. I wanted to chat..and discuss my thoughts..
Then there you were..wanting to say .. With an even grander better situation than I could have expected..
Hell yes!!
Let's make this work.. We could do well for all.
Hell yes!!!

It is so refreshing to be able to speak on a level plane with someone..personally.. Where we see eye to eye.. Think along the same lines.. Mutual respect and adoration..
Our conversation gave me such a high..
I was smiling all day!!!

So.. Here I am ... Next week will be busy..I hope to hear from both perspectives.. And be able to choose..

We will see.
R 31818

Hey!! I am right here...

Sometimes I feel like shouting this..
I feel unimportant .. ignored.. lost.
My family has written me off years ago...
I have given up on trying to be ... what ever they need me to be..
I am me.. always have been.. I was more me than they ever were..
Yet.. I am here..
I go.. they are accepting.. limited judgements. . But.. never come...
It sucks that I am not a destination... yet I make sure to visit .
So.. if I move.. I do not think I will say...
It don't matter.. we are an island.
Just lost and lonely..

That is what I deleted from my page... it was a bitch about being in a place for 15 years.. that no one ever visited..
I have an open home.. open to all.. I have only had 2 people come..not family.. one was kidnapped.. but.. was here..
I feel shunned.. but always welcomed.. when I visit them..
Which I do if not for me..for my kid.. who really does not know anyone in her family.. no connection.. none..
A lot like my childhood.... no connection..
I have made connections with lost cousins.. so close for so many years ..
I just cannot figure out why.. no one has said..
So.. maybe I wont tell anyone when and if I move..

Sitll kind of pissed .. but.. it is what it is...

I have a phone call tomorrow. .
Lets see what becomes of that..

If it is meant to be..it will be offered..

R 3/16/17

posted from Bloggeroid

Try again

I was trying to express that I am working on a couple things.
These things will change my world. I have set things in motion to have to do much more. I am waiting an planning. The initial was just a test. I thought I needed to start somewhere.  I was expecting just simple responses and move along.
So far the first response was much better than I guessed.
The second was the same..better than expected.
The third...no response.. Yet.

I asked for help..and got favorable responses.
I don't know if it will help or be needed..
It cannot hurt.

I had messed up my expenses. I put the wrong deposit amount in my checkbook for the last 3 paychecks..put in gross not net..and proceeded to pay bills with money I didn't have.. For 6wks!!
I was a bit over drawn. I think I have it straight now.

I need to work on evaluations and complete them by next weeks end.
I have a corporate visitor next Wednesday.. He will be discussing /planning the system upgrade that will cause me to have to layoff  5 of my employees.. Then the first weekend in April, I will have visitors again to make a major changes to our networks. I will have to work all that weekend..
A few things there. 

All the above .. All in a day in my life.
At this point. I wish I could say so much more..
I'm not ready to open that up. .. Not just yet..
But when the situation happens.. I will explain.. I will probably burst.
Then get frantic.. For a month or so...

So..this morning.. I have been sleeping poorly. .. I get my late night/early morning text.. Then attempt sleep... I wake to my phone chiming in to a series of group texts..from 3 of my brothers.. This started at 5:30 am my time..and.. More than 1 or 2 .. Tons of back and forth..pictures..movies.. Texts.. Finally at 6:30 my alarms went off..I shut them off and turned the volume down on my phone and woke up at 7:30 .. Scrambled to get dressed.. Drive to work..the family group texts continue.. At 8:00 I chime in with a weather report.. Answer a question about no snow here..and the group texts cease.
That 2hr time difference hurts some times..
I had a busy day..that ended at 7:45p.. Went home cooked dinner..ate..and passed out on the couch till 11p.
Did the dishes..
So..I am trying to relax enough to sleep well tonight. I have a bit to get done tomorrow..

Friday is coming..

R 3/15/18

Cannot say

3rd time...
My phone has rebooted 2 times while writing this..
Deleting all I write..

Try again..

I wish I could say more.. But my personal validation.. Is still out..
But I am making steps.. And I am waiting for more info.
So for keeping it secret.. It could ..it will be a life changing situation.
I need to do so much.
I am ready for that...
Let's see.

R3/13/18

.

New week

OK.. A busy weekend.. Up early each day..got to MINI.. Spent time w/L
We ate well. I got a bit done as well.
Work was quiet.. And we had Daylight Saving time..
Sunday night.. Ugh.. I didn't sleep well... I was up..and got called by work.. Gave the work-around while I was getting dressed.. As I was turning off the TV.. I noticed it was fixed... I called back.. And .. Yep it was fixed.. So.. I got back into bed..4:15 am.. And went back to trying to sleep.. Alarms at 6:00.. Turned off.. Up at 7:30..rushed and got to work on time..tired but on time.
I got tasks done.. And had a conference call at 10:15.. With positive results.. So says the email..
I was leaving at.. 6.. And decided to check the gate.. And turned it on.. Let's see if I get a late/early morning call...
I am anxiously waiting..for positive.. Options..
I'm not ready..but can be.. I know I can be.. Ready for the things I need to do..to.. Move forward. ... For me.
The bids are in for 2. It may be enough..
Falling into.. 'It is time'... 'Things are falling in place'..
One can hope... Tomorrow is another day...
Let's make it count.

This week..has been a bit of reminiscing.. And recognition as to where I was...and where I am..and where I think I need to be..
Just a short reality check.. For me..
My changes .. Are for me.. Just me..
I have no one but me and my offspring.. I need to do what works for us.. I cannot do for anyone..if I don't do for us first.. That is how I have been planning.. If it ends up..that L is happier...I will be too...
I am secondary .. It is what a parent feels is their job.. Make it work for the children...help them get started..and let them shine..

I am too old to chase my happiness.. I missed it..my chance.. So all I can do is hope I can help mine.. Figure out how to be happy.. Learn from my failure and success.. Know how to identify their happiness..

Yes... I know now.. We do not always see..or understand.. Our happinesses...till they have passed.. That 'sieze the day' stuff..
If you don't.. You end up.. Seeing the opportunity.. Long after it it has passed.. Not that it is gone.. But now it is much harder to make it happen.
So.. My advice.. Is grab what is in front of you. No mater your age..
You cannot go back.. And hope you can.. Because usually you can't.
Passed you by..missed the chance.
Then.. All you have is memories and used and regret.

But.. Sometimes.. You can..try again.. If you get the chance.. Do not hesitate.. Trust me.. Don't.

Hugs to you all.

R 3/13/18

Saturday

I didn't sleep well.. On and off all night.
But got up early.. 6:00am.
Out of the house at 6:35.
Met the local mini group..at 7.
Hit the road .. Did some back roads..met the Denver Mini group..
Took off...#15 of nearly 40 cars! Drove 185 miles all around.. Then more back roads to lunch..and back home.. Tired.. Started laundry..and went to sleep till 6.. Ended up making dinner and cleaned up..
It was a beautiful day..40's in the morning.. High 50's by noon..
I have my chores that I skipped to do tomorrow..

I got some positive info on Friday.. And will see what Monday brings..
I got a bit better perspective about the possible future situations.
It is more positive than I thought.. Time will tell..
Then..if so things may change quickly..

Review time is here.. I have the task to review my techs.. Just to give them all pats on the back and handshakes.. Before I break the news that they are all redundant.
We did all get our corporate tax refund..bonus.. After deductions...
Mine was $328.10

I did figure out what I was doing wrong the last 3 paychecks.. Causing me to overdraft my accounts multiple times.. My mistake.. Inputted the wrong amounts into my bank books..and spent what I didn't have for nearly 2 months.. Yikes!

Now I am back in track.
Just need to stay that way.

Things need to keep moving .. Even just a little..  We will make it ..

I think my neighbour has bought a new house..his is on the market.. He is a realtor.. But that means... New neighbor's. Always an experience.

I have a conference call on Monday morning.. Corporate coming the week after.. And a network migration on the first weekend in April.
Camera install next week, too.

My asst is still Leaving at 4:00 when ever possible..
I am just waiting to hear who has heard.. And then will see..
It is time.
Tick...tock..

Other than spending lots of time home working on radios..
My last batch was followed by another..and yet another on the way next week.
All good.. It is money in the bank.
As long as I can find the time..and be in that frame of mind.
I can..I will..

Oh well things to do tomorrow.. Maybe sleep for me tonight..

I will need to commence my latitude research..a few things have changed in the last 16 yrs ... Got to make sure..

R 3/10/18

Felt like a short day..

I actually left work right at 5pm today. I do not think I have done that in months. I took lunch early..2:30 instead of 3:00.. And got back at 3:30... So by the time 5 came around..I was done.
I went in early as usual..but did my whole day..and called it.
It wasn't bad..it was busy.. And more to do. I started employee reviews.. They have to be done by the end of the month. It is a measure in futility if no one is getting raises.. But.. Got to go through the motions.
I have been watching my personal email.. And some things have been coming in. I finished another radio tonight..but it was prepaid. But the Bench is clear. More coming...made almost $1000 thus month.
Spare time.
Also.. I should see the corporate tax bonus this paycheck. 
Not much..but a bit more..
It all adds up..
I have a drive to go on this weekend.. The Leprechaun run..
It starts at 7:00 on Saturday.. So .. up early..
But it is still Wednesday.. For a bit more..
I need to plan the rest of this work week..get more done..I need to try to get caught up..and look a bit more organized..
Maybe work at home.. Clean a bit more..
L is getting tips from my HR Mgr.. That is helping her spirit.. Maybe she can get a job... Make some of her own money.
I would be proud and happy.
One step at a time..

OK.. Tomorrow is creeping up on me..and I need sleep..

R 3/7/18

Work..getting something done

I am motivated so far this week. I have been working on tasks and getting things moving and making plans for future projects.
Today was trying to deal with cell phone accounts.. I converted my work phone yesterday..it was not that bad. I spoke to someone that knew what to do. Today..not so much. Hours trying to figure out what isn't right about the process.
More tomorrow.
I received parts for a project I need to finish and ordered some cable..maybe I can finish on Monday.
I also got parts for a radio or two..for home. Finished one tonight.
Maybe another tomorrow.  More on the way...
I have some minor construction projects at work to get done.
Also parking signs to put up..since the weather is nice out.
I can also look at the items we will need to move some departments.
I'm good with spending the companies money.

Me.. I have bills to figure out.. Should I refinance now.. Blow out the debt..take big chunks out of it.. Or hold off till my major payment goes away in June? That will flood my monthly $$ by $800.. To pay down the rest..
Or plan the move or the trips.. Something!!

Right now..nothing going on here.
Decent weather.. Work..working at home... Eating..sleeping..and start again.. I have been hanging out by myself every night.. Come home..even the cat is asleep. Turn the TV on...cook dinner..eat..dishes..work at my desk.. For a few hrs.. Either take a shower..go to bed.. Or go have a couple beers on the tour..and go home and sleep.. Start again..
Just..work..home..eat..beer..sleep..repeat.
It is winter .. Not much else to do.

I must say..I had BRIGHT Monday morning.. I think it set my week.
It really made my day..week.. To be able to chat..before work..it puts me in a proper frame of mind...yes..I know I was helpful.. Glad I could..
To be honest.. You always help me more than I think I help you.. I get so much from talking with you.. I truly cannot express how good I feel..even just listening to you vent about traffic.. Yes..the concerns that I can help with..advice.. Understanding.. Caring...just a virtual hug..
All matters.. It actually revitalizes my reason to be..
I really cannot define it better than that.
Please..vent..sound off me.. I hope I can help.. I try..

You cannot fully understand how much it helps me..

I have always tried to be an informed person..one who can help.
I realized..primarily out of..personal experience..that we do not always see how we can solve this current dilemma.. So we hope someone sees us struggle..and hope they will offer this help..
Often it is just to remind us that we already knew..but to confirm it..by hearing it from someone we trust.. Usually validates it in our mind..and we can move forward from the bump we got stuck on.
We are much stronger than we give ourselves credit ..
Sometimes..we just need a friend we trust to remind us..

It works for the one we help..and for us too.
We know more..more than most know.. More than we know we do.
Sometimes we just need a from friend to remind us.. Just to say it..and we realize... We knew that!!!
But the affirmation.. Helps.
For you...and me. :)

R 3/7/18

Bad weather..Good weather...

It is all relative.. Someone's bad is another's good. Here we are in March.. It has been a mild winter. But not for others.. Not where I want to be... But.. I could make a change..and have to adjust ..but that I know I can do.
I have used the online apps to make some submissions.. Maybe I can get some hits.. My resume.. This is the real me... Is never stellar.. I would rather meet..talk face to face .. Prove what i know.. On paper..I am lacking.. Some things you can't express..
But I will try..again and again.
NESN.. Is one.. It could happen..
I would..

Home.. Close to home.. Where I want to be..
I have a poor resume of the real me..no references still in the business that can prove me..
I may just have to go.. Start over..and make it mine..
Make the changes..and be happier..

I know.. I can..and should.. Regardless of if I am wanted..
I have never needed that kind of motivation..but it does help.
I have done the move.. Just because..and found what I needed.
But I am not young any more.. And less desirable. I have skills.. But..I am just old...

I am making the effort..I will make the change I need to..for me..
I am overdue for something.. That is just mine.

I know how to cope. Make my day to day busy..so I don't notice.
But..today I made contact..and it kept me happy..all day..
Just a simple thing. But so important..to me.

Thanks..and..your welcome.

I am trying..

R 3/6/18

Full moon of March

Yes..it is a full moon...it is March 1.
I am keeping it together.
I look and wonder where I really am?
I look and wonder why I am still here?

Some of it is uncertainty.. Some is just having to make the change..any major change.. I am still here..I am still not happy..I still do not have friends. People to chat with..face to face..
I just get up everyday..and do what I need to... Get to the next day.
Work is becoming more and more tedious..I have to take joy in completing thing's.. But really..not seeing any recognition much less compensation. But personal satisfaction.. Job well done..and enabling my work to make revenue with what I accomplish.. I can sleep at night ..when I sleep.
I must sit down an figure out the details..and make this happen.
Go home.
For exactly what that means to me.
Oh..I hold tight to the thought of having someone close by that cares..someone that allows me to be happy.
Yes..I know I am infatuated..with the idea ...I cling to that thought.
My perception is my anchor.. Keeping the fire alive.
The feelings are deep..and will never change..
But I left..came back here..to be alone.. That is my fault..
I can fix that.
I have plans..expectations of what I should do..where I should be in this life now.. Here..is .. Not.. It.
The sea calls to me.
Yes..I can find smiles..if I look here..but I do not have any personal reason to be here..just monetary..that can be fixed with a different jib in a different place.. I know this!  There is no excuse.

Procrastination.

Because..I have no tangible feedback..no one to talk with to help my mind rationalize the change..
Less real contact..
I bit..but I need that much more...
I need the daily reason to smile..
Like December..
:) Thanks!!

I do miss the everyday..like before..like my vacation..
It was so comfortable..

My current situation is not.. Has not been for so long..
That is why I hold on to the feeling ... I was happy and not stressed..
I felt I was part of a family again.
The feeling I miss so much..

Getting away from here.. May fix that..
This seems to be the place..no one of my 'family' wants to visit..
It is what it is.. Has been.. 16 years here.. Only one friend came to visit 'colorful Colorado'.
Yet.. I am still here.. Why..I do not know.

Right now.. I am not feeling as lonely..but.. Disappointed.. That I have not dedicated thought to why I cannot Leave..
I can.. I am not stuck here.

Miss you..

R 3/1/18

Shirts

Yeah.. Shirts.
The end of this month..right now it is March.
I am still busy..I have been doing work ..side work at home.. This week.. I got my state taxes then my federal taxes. And payment for the radio work at home.. I need to see what I need to payoff to get caught up..
Or should I just bank it and keep paying the monthly..and use it for MTTS2018.. Or another trip.. But I should figure out the job situation.. And relocate.. And worry about the debt..after..I can work it out.

I need to change my financials..here and there..then I can get this settled..

So.. With the monies this week..and the pending work.. And 3new shirts..2 tonight..one on Monday.. I feel like I am gonna survive.

I miss my conversations.. But get them when I can.. They help so much..if I haven't thanked you..I need to.. Thanks!!... You should know how much it means to me... To have someone ..
You.
I would be lost without you.

I know I don't seem that way.. But .. It is the truth..
I need you.

Soon.

Miss you!
I miss holding you.

I should stop..

R 3/1/18