Nothing

Life hurts sometimes.

I want to be included.. but know I cant be. It sucks. and I cant say anything to anyone about it.

I have the feeling that if I was to lose my income, everyone would leave me or throw me out...
I feel like nothing more than a paycheck.

Sure I am a jerk, and I shouldn't expect anything, 'FOR me', especially consideration..
I just feel that the past 20yrs, have been for nothing. just a waste of time.

Oh yeah, i've provided a home and the rest of all that comes with that.. but to what end?
no one cares, I might as well not be here at all.

At least work is starting to recognize, that I have been busting my ass to keep things going there..
not that it's helping me at all.. more work, and more expected of me.. loyalty counts for nothing..
dedication.. has no meaning. Personal satisfaction is all I have, and that is loosing it's meaning because no one but me cares..

when you do stuff for people, and they stop acknowledging  it.. do you stop?
What if you dont stop.. are you to blame?

A conversation I was part of.. mentioned that if 1 person left where would the other person go?
being the fact that I would never make either leave.. why would the 2nd person have to leave if the 1st left an went about their merry way??

I don't have an issue with either.. they may think I do..but I don't.. I just don't want to be ignored or left out.

I'm lonely.. I have no friends, because I am working for the people that are living in my home..
none of which realize that. (as far as I can tell )

I know, I am being selfish.
Why should I be included or even given the chance..I have done nothing but feed/clothe/and put a roof over your hreads for these many years...
DUMBASS... LOSER... JERK
You get nothing.

I will delete this in the morning.. But for now.. I need another drink..

ABSOLUT-ly

:)

Just my rant of the week.. I'll be better in the morning

R