So good to hear from you

Title being said..
I hope I didn't say anything wrong..
Seemed like I did.

Maybe it was just other stuff going on at that time. Taking precedence over the moment.

If I did say anything wrong, It was not intentional.
Sorry if the typing didn't reflect my mood, I was truly happy to hear from you.

I was hoping I didn't make you sad, with our conversation, which is why I asked if everything was O.K.

Unfortunately it was the beginning of my work day, and things get busy quickly, and I had to go.
I didn't want it seem like I didn't want to talk.

Miss you,
(you know who you are, and should know who I am.)

:)

Nothing

Life hurts sometimes.

I want to be included.. but know I cant be. It sucks. and I cant say anything to anyone about it.

I have the feeling that if I was to lose my income, everyone would leave me or throw me out...
I feel like nothing more than a paycheck.

Sure I am a jerk, and I shouldn't expect anything, 'FOR me', especially consideration..
I just feel that the past 20yrs, have been for nothing. just a waste of time.

Oh yeah, i've provided a home and the rest of all that comes with that.. but to what end?
no one cares, I might as well not be here at all.

At least work is starting to recognize, that I have been busting my ass to keep things going there..
not that it's helping me at all.. more work, and more expected of me.. loyalty counts for nothing..
dedication.. has no meaning. Personal satisfaction is all I have, and that is loosing it's meaning because no one but me cares..

when you do stuff for people, and they stop acknowledging  it.. do you stop?
What if you dont stop.. are you to blame?

A conversation I was part of.. mentioned that if 1 person left where would the other person go?
being the fact that I would never make either leave.. why would the 2nd person have to leave if the 1st left an went about their merry way??

I don't have an issue with either.. they may think I do..but I don't.. I just don't want to be ignored or left out.

I'm lonely.. I have no friends, because I am working for the people that are living in my home..
none of which realize that. (as far as I can tell )

I know, I am being selfish.
Why should I be included or even given the chance..I have done nothing but feed/clothe/and put a roof over your hreads for these many years...
DUMBASS... LOSER... JERK
You get nothing.

I will delete this in the morning.. But for now.. I need another drink..

ABSOLUT-ly

:)

Just my rant of the week.. I'll be better in the morning

R

Timing of a friend

Well, all I can say is, some people just know how to put a smile on my face.
:)

Thank you!

I got a message, just when I needed it.
It did make me smile.
I was feeling a bit stressed, and annoyed.. and the message cheered me right up!

Thank you!! 

And I  hope when you read this, You get a smile too.

:)

I did fret, for a few minutes, wondering if I could call or msg.. to thank you, but I didnt want to cause trouble, and figured I could Blog it.. So here I am.. 'Blogging' 

To you: 
    :) !!!!

Thank you !!!

R

My problem

Yes, I admit to having a problem.. don't alert the media..

Someone was explaining why they were put out, by another person having a 'steady' and lopping off all other relationships to devote their time to the 'current'..They stated, wait till I have a 'steady' and am not there for them 24/7.. and they are not the priority anymore. 'I have been there for them when they have needed me..now I am not as important, l because they have their current 'other' ..They will see what it is like when I am not there all the time.' etc... I said, realizing I am going through that now.."I know how that feels."

So, my problem that I am admitting to: I have designed my life as it is now, around doing for you, being for you, being available to you.. even though it never looked that way.. and now you have restructured your life for you, not us(the family - not specifically Me..) and I am having difficulty adjusting to it.  It has been over.. Us... for a long time, Longer than I knew.. but, because I never fully understood what was happening or had happened, I kept on doing whatever to make you happy, like I should have.. and now that it is all out and explained.. I have to adjust..
So, yes it is weird to know I have to start thinking on what to do if you were not here and to try to act as if you are not here.. even though you are. Prepare for when you will not be here.. it is an adjustment..

Don't know if I can move fwd.. but will try.. I know I want to..just not sure I know If I can.

R

Another week closer to the end of 2010

Well, here we are..
Not sure how I feel..
Work isnt so bad. (either of them)
Trying to get through to the new year.

Saturday is the Company party, this will be my first one attended since  I started there in 2003.
I was never the "let's go get drunk with and make fun of the people I work with type.."
But, I figure I should make an effort..
I should be able to behave myself and try to have fun. If not, I will leave.
I am not going there with anyone, and have only myself to answer to..and the drive home..
And I am 'On-Call' ...
But, the 'Big  Boss' is out of town..

Everything else is the same.. Still 'lonely' and still feel unappreciated..
But not fretting about it.. it is what it is. Keep working, keep busy..

:)

messages

Message received.

I am not as negative as I seem. I understand what I have been told.
For some life goes on and some life continues as it always did.
Good or bad.
There are always 'other' circumstances that take precedence over what we want/need. 

That being said, never give up. Don't take abuse, live 'Your' life, don't be miserable.
As was told to me, 'Someone out there loves you'... keep that in the back of your mind, and  remember to love yourself. You are making the right decisions, if its for your kids or for other important people in your life, But you must remember that the people that love you don't want you to be miserable, no matter how good you are at hiding it, they can see it..they may not know what it is, but especially kids, can see right through you.

You are a wonderful person to be so selfless, remember that. Don't let that make you hard, or mean.
Be the wonderful person you are. Find the happiness in what you have, and be happy.  :)

I am not going anywhere too soon.. so don't write me off.
I care what happens. I will always be here, in one way or the other.

This is NOT a goodbye message, just a 'I'm here' message.

" I'm here!!" 

:)

Smile, you know you want to...

R

weekend

Ok.. So.. I have made an attempt to get on with life.
After work on Friday, went across the parking lot and had a few beers with people I work with.
Not a bad night, Work was ok, and the week has been busy so I needed to unwind. 

Sat.. Did the normal Sat thing, Groceries.. and did some shopping, then Lindsey and I went to the mall and then to dinner. got home, tried to nap on the couch, one of the guys from work1 called and mentioned that one of our News Directors was playing guitar one last time in a club downtown and wanted to know if I wanted to go.  I decided to go, had a good time (2hrs and 1 beer) and am now back home.

So far the weekend has been good.

:)

Nothing New...

Same stuff.
Nothing new to say to anyone that isn't really listening.
Gonna go back to:
My day was fine.
Or
I'm OK.
or
Same ole stuff.

I don't really think anyone is listening.
Just not important.

I don't know if I am getting next week off of Job 1,
It will be the last chance before the end of the year.
(and already banked a weeks vacation I didn't get)

Seriously, I don't think it really matters.. No plans, and still have to work at night.

...

Sorry for cleaning up.. :)

I didnt mean to scare ya..
I was just wiping the slate clean.. getting ready for the next chapter of ranting..

No, you cannot get rid of me that easily..

Yes, I will still need/want to talk to you..

And I feel the same way, I just don't want to complicate your situation.

Short and sweet... to the point...
:)

Welcome to December

Well the last month of the year.
Lots of changes scheduled for this month.
We will see if they all work out, and hope the month goes well.

I didn't think I could be lonelier but, I guess its possible.
So, its work work work.. to get through.
Those that care, can't, and those that don't, just don't.

Probably gonna try to do something new..let's see if that backfires..let you know in a couple of weeks..

Also need to plan a vacation.. a real vacation.. and get away, even for a few days..
we will see.