Joe seemed to be having other digestive, evacuation issues.. he was meowing loudly...kept running around then to his litter box. .. stand there a few seconds and leave..
He also seemed to be marking things.. but he is fixed?.so I took him in the car carrier to urgent care.. they said they were open till 6 and had walk-ins..
But, they were all booked.. fortunately they asked what his iasue was, and I said he may have a blockage or an infection.. so she took him back for a quick check..
No fever..no bloating.. no blockage!
If there had been, I would have to take him to emergency.. but no.
So we left and went home, and I booked an appointment at urgent care for a check out..in case its the beginning of a urinary infection.
So he meowed all the way up and most the way back.. got him in the house.. he is back to normal. He ate, used the box.. ate later and peed a few times..
Maybe it was stress of the fireworks and the alarms going off, the smoke detectors needed batteries last night.
He seemed to be better.
..
So.. did laundry and groceries, and got the fog lights replaced in Revington.. took the cat up and back.
Made meatloaf for dinner.. and gathered and boxed up my radio to send to Dave.
I have a couple days to figure out what im packing..and how to pack it..
If Betty holds true.. I expect to use a few quarts of oil.. so im bringing a gallon and will buy some..
Ive booked hotels on some of the return.. and will wing it after Colo Spgs..
Ive contacted my old supv, hopefully will meet up with him in the springs..
I have not told anyone else..
Probably will as the trip progresses.
..
I have the plan to drive all of Montana on the way back.. and hit all 5 states..
..
Looks like no further contact ..
My last, was a reply.. a week ago..
I have not sent any..and got none..
I guess, not meant to be..
Too bad..I wanted it to be.. more than friends..I guess we are still friends..but she does not want more.
I tried.. I guess I was not enough.
..
Funny, her friends kept asking me if i was gonna stick around..
It was not up to me...
..
So..road trip.. going Solo.. going to go..no real plans.. see the states..mingle among MINIs and Mini Peeps.. its a long trip..and lots of time alone, me in my car.. just the radios and the road.
Ive spent a bit already on rooms and will spend fuel and fluids to get my car home.
Maybe I can find the peace the driving has always given me.
Since I got my license to drive..
The road and the radio..FM or two way.. to keep me company and keep me sane..or bring me back to thw reality of it all.
..
I need to send a few messages to friends out west to see if we can meet up..it would be good to see them.. if not..I guess it is not meant to be..
...
The thought just occured to me..
I may be looking for my place to be, after I retire.. I can live anywhere..
Literally.. and L and J may or may not follow..
If I sold the house..I could..
Yeah, im talking minimum 5 years.. more like 8 or 10...
But.. I need to think that through..
..
I will be doing a lot of thinking.. in the next 25 days..
...
Yes, I need to do the adulting ..get those legal papers started..and will all I have to L.. give her all the rights she deserves .. leave something for her..so she dont have to fight the state for it..
She has stuck with me her entire life and deserves all I can pass to her..no one else..no one... Deserves more.
..
Work..
Yeah, Ive spent a lot of time there..
I found I can pull the retirement into the 401k.. and will.. where it canake some $$.. pad that retirement $ ..
Im funding SSI again.. and the OT helps that.. if I can keep the level up over $3500 a month..I could live pretty good.
Especially if we moved to a less expensive zip code.
..its a thought..
...
So.. now this...
What did I do wrong?
..
Is it me..
It must be..
I cannot seem to get this right..
Been at it a long time.. failing every time..
I thought..I did and it changed and it was no longer enough.. the games started..and since I dont know the rules I failed..
Sounds familiar..
Story of my life..so far..
Yeah, I am still looking..
But now im old..grey and just jaded ..
I can make someone very happy..
I still put in my all..but if they are not receptive on that level..its without any benefit.
..
Maybe I should just give up.. it has never made any lasting difference..
Im just burning the edges of my heart.. making it less sensitive.. numbing it and making it harder to feel it react to requests of merit. Making me feel I am wasting what is left of any happiness I can share..
..really..not that any one wants what I have to offer.. so says my history..
I have a few years of proof..
But..me...I keep trying..
..fruitless..
....
At this age we are all damaged goods..and no one wants to share..we all think no one can handle our weird issues..
But we all are weird..and most of us are looking for a like soul..that can accept us for what we have become..
Yet..we all are alone in our minds..
Even when we have something or someone.. we must still deal with ourselves.. the toughest critic..the most critical.. the most unworthy ..
We are our own worst critic..and we demean ourselves..and believe it...
..
Some learn the trick..
Im great..Im as good as I need to be.. nothing can put me down...
But few can raise our self esteem..
We listen to others that dont matter..
Even ourselves.. and berate ourselves..and believe it..
..
Yet ..I know..and am here..
Were I am..
Yet, I have the feeling of being alone in a crowd.
I have always felt that way.
..
MTTS.. give me some..peace..
....
R
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