next ....

Yep.. what's next? 

Same ole.  Nothing planned, no agenda.  No contact, old or new..

Just finished the work week..

Typical Friday night.. tomorrow groceries and radios..dinner.. maybe/probably out for music. 

Just..all the same.. 

Nothing new to report to.. no one.

Kinda sad.. but it is how I am marking time. 

I have stuff to work on..and hopefully cash to be made. 

If any thing else..there is that.

I guess my parts made it to Cali..and I got a box coming and a board coming from the UK. 

Cash in the bank.. some work required..but not bad. 

Another car I inquired about..and no response..oh well . .. I have put cash away for one.. someday soon I guess.

If not ...I should use it for a road trip..

I need to find somewhere that I want to go.. either as a group or alone.  

I'm feeling kinda stuck . .. yes I have L and J..but nothing just for me.

I think I need ..that.. maybe i should think about planning something..

I have my nephew's wedding..in June .maybe MOTM in Aug . .. I think I missed MOT . ..but know no one going to that. It was good back then..I could go and have a feeling of belonging.. 

I should dive back in..

I think I missed out on the snow skiing.. go figure.. same as the last 10 years.

...

So... I am in this rut.. and I think the walls are high.

I think I was hoping for some help.. A was helping a bit.. but that I guess is over till it's not.. she always thought I had more going on than I told her..but not so..

I think most ..think I've got a lot to keep me busy. . but I don't. You get used to that.. having no one..and wondering why. 

I think that's why when someone pays attention..I lose it and go way overboard.. and burn it out.. 

It's been more than. 10 years since I was attached..and had few diversions since and messed most of those up.. now I know why..but fear either I won't get the chance again..or if I do..I will have forgotten what I did and repeat it because I am not used to the attention..

...

It will be what it will be . 

I'm sure I will mess it up after a few weeks of limited happiness.

...

I hope to come back to this and post some... epiphany... But the chances of that are slim..

So ... 

Don't pity me ...this is my own problem..created by me .and my insecurity.. and yetit is all I have to explain why. .  

 There are no Mel's in my life to wake me up and show me what I'm missing.. all the rest are occupied or uninterested or not concerned that I need them.. no fault of theirs .. all me.

....

My life so far has been ok.. 

I should not complain.. I need to find a way to fix this ..  I have before and should be able.. I'm not sure where to start..or how.

.....

Spring is nearly here..and I've just been logging time..as always .

.....

Someone... Anyone . ... ???

 .....

R