end of March

Well, I made it to the end of March. 

Not that I wouldn't have. But, it has been a strange month, and moving into April quietly.. 

Nothing big, just the same.

But I did hear from Iceland.  :) 

It was nice to pass msgs.  Good to hear she is well and still traveling. 

I have been keeping occupied and not thinking to much about the fact that my life is the same month to month.. it's nearly April and I have only fixed Ls car. And a bunch of radios and paid the bills and gone to work.

Work is ok,starting to slowdown a bit, this week was slower. But we did some stuff and redid some stuff.. and kept busy.  

I have not been able to find another car, each one I see is gone and don't respond in time. 

I have invested in a few more parts and had a few inquiries and sold a few. So I have another 25 on the way..and hopefully can make back the investment. 

..

I need to get into a groove and schedule a regular cleaning day. And stick to it.. a start of spring cleaning then at least weekly schedule.

Maybe I can keep it to a level of clean.

It's a thought and I need to do it.. the dust is getting bad ..

R

March 2023

Yes, the month is nearly done.. a week left.. payday next Friday.. just mortgage and a membership renewal. Still working on repairs.. ordered parts...and some test equipment..need to order more components.. running low..

Got to bank some repair cash.. 

Maybe call in the marker for the car repairs . .. 

...

Waiting for the warmer weather to do the brakes in mine, need to look at Pearls too. 

...

This past week felt strange.. 

Seemed to be rushing..all week..and seemed very busy.. but in reality not any more than usual. 

I'm. Not sleeping well. But I am tired at night.. and get some sleep.

I guess I'm just restless. Waiting for something to do.. beside work and sleep.. repairs are good money most of the time.. but l need to figure out an escape.. just a getaway.. or something... Just to break up the same ole.. I can think of some beginnings ...but the reason for a destination avoids me . .. a drive to nowhere may be ok..but not sure if it will solve the need.. I may be able to choose a location as a destination..and enjoy the drive.. do something and then return.

My car has 205,000 miles.. and I need to do some enjoyable drives.. 

...

I need to spend some time doing the research to find a good drive. 

I can.. I just need to do it.

....

So.. should I do that other thing??

Make the donation.. because .. just because?? Will it show I care??

Or will it be presumed  as something else ???

...

Ponder..

R

traffic

Oh yeah, took 45 min to drive 12 miles to work yesterday.. they started the bridge work on the eastern bridge and all the traffic is on the western bridge . Total bottleneck. 

So this morning, I was asked to come early to drive down the Cape.. leave at 7am.. so I got up 10 minutes earlier and had coffee and was out the door at 6:30. I arrived @6:50 and we headed out at 7.

We worked all day, and got back at 2:30, I went home at 3. Not bad. 

. .

So we went for our Thur night drive, just L and I, J stayed home. First time for that. 

.  

Tomorrow is Friday, pizza night. I have radios to finish and next week I get the on call phone for 2 weeks.

That is all, March is nearly over.  Where did the time go.  

Working too hard, and each day is merging into the next. I think I've missed out on snow skiing this year.. and no idea about MOT.. prob not..

Got to figure out when and where I plan or should plan on going and when.

... 

R

quiet night

Slow day.  Up early then back to sleep. Up at 10.  Left for groceries at 11:30..done. And back home.. tried to research radio stuff. Then tried to fix the tester and broke it more..

Not a tech day.

Took L & J to Best Buy.. to get a computer monitor.. and after finding the one we wanted.. could not find anyone to climb 3 steps up a ladder that was parked in front of the shelf to take it down.. we requested an associate....and I asked one of the two, computer guys and was told hold on a minute.. and the guy stood there and waited for the other guy to locate a box on the terminal.. it was next to them under the counter..

Then the other guy came over and said someone will be with us in a few minutes... I pointed to the box.. can you just get that! .. he said oh sure....

Then we waited in line as the only cashier in the entire store rang each one out in the line waiting to leave..

Very annoyed.. then we get to the burger drive in.. and the order screen was frozen.. so we got our food.. and there was an extra burger in the bag..

Then the small desserts were half the regular size. ... Just annoyed.

I really need to destress.. find something or somewhere to go..even for a weekend.

....

So... Nothing.

...

I have no inspiration. .. no creative juice going on.. 

I'm apprehensive to contact A.  

I don't know what to say.  Or how to say anything. Yes I miss our contact..

But feel that we have drifted back to acquaintances..if we were always that ... Or not..

...

Probably just me.. guessing wrong .and messing it up .

...

Same ole .

R

next ....

Yep.. what's next? 

Same ole.  Nothing planned, no agenda.  No contact, old or new..

Just finished the work week..

Typical Friday night.. tomorrow groceries and radios..dinner.. maybe/probably out for music. 

Just..all the same.. 

Nothing new to report to.. no one.

Kinda sad.. but it is how I am marking time. 

I have stuff to work on..and hopefully cash to be made. 

If any thing else..there is that.

I guess my parts made it to Cali..and I got a box coming and a board coming from the UK. 

Cash in the bank.. some work required..but not bad. 

Another car I inquired about..and no response..oh well . .. I have put cash away for one.. someday soon I guess.

If not ...I should use it for a road trip..

I need to find somewhere that I want to go.. either as a group or alone.  

I'm feeling kinda stuck . .. yes I have L and J..but nothing just for me.

I think I need ..that.. maybe i should think about planning something..

I have my nephew's wedding..in June .maybe MOTM in Aug . .. I think I missed MOT . ..but know no one going to that. It was good back then..I could go and have a feeling of belonging.. 

I should dive back in..

I think I missed out on the snow skiing.. go figure.. same as the last 10 years.

...

So... I am in this rut.. and I think the walls are high.

I think I was hoping for some help.. A was helping a bit.. but that I guess is over till it's not.. she always thought I had more going on than I told her..but not so..

I think most ..think I've got a lot to keep me busy. . but I don't. You get used to that.. having no one..and wondering why. 

I think that's why when someone pays attention..I lose it and go way overboard.. and burn it out.. 

It's been more than. 10 years since I was attached..and had few diversions since and messed most of those up.. now I know why..but fear either I won't get the chance again..or if I do..I will have forgotten what I did and repeat it because I am not used to the attention..

...

It will be what it will be . 

I'm sure I will mess it up after a few weeks of limited happiness.

...

I hope to come back to this and post some... epiphany... But the chances of that are slim..

So ... 

Don't pity me ...this is my own problem..created by me .and my insecurity.. and yetit is all I have to explain why. .  

 There are no Mel's in my life to wake me up and show me what I'm missing.. all the rest are occupied or uninterested or not concerned that I need them.. no fault of theirs .. all me.

....

My life so far has been ok.. 

I should not complain.. I need to find a way to fix this ..  I have before and should be able.. I'm not sure where to start..or how.

.....

Spring is nearly here..and I've just been logging time..as always .

.....

Someone... Anyone . ... ???

 .....

R

busy work week

A lot of keeping busy. .  But stuff to do.

Been working on the vehicles at the shop.  Today went to go to a location, and was asked to drive a different vehicle to help put some miles on it so that they can get the vehicle serviced. I called out, as always .. reporting the vehicle number and where I was going . And when. I got there called on location.. and then called I was done and returning to the tech shop.. 

Boom! I guess they called my boss and complained.  They didn't recognize the vehicle number and wanted to know who was calling in..

So..from now on I am to call in that I am in my vehicle number ..no matter what vehicle I'm in.. 

Until they change their mind .

...

So.. I have a few radios coming...and 

I've ordered parts , so I expect to be busy and make a few bucks.

...

No one keeping tabs.. 

Just work and home..radio and sleep.

..

We missed out on the storm, just rain and a dusting of snow..

Today was warm and sunny. 

..

R

weekends

It isn't the same when you have to go in to work at 7, on a Saturday.

You end up cramming the rest of the day in so it's still a Saturday.

It was overtime..and relatively easy.

Just drive and setup and connect, then tear down and drive back. 

So I did get my groceries and even worked on a repair. Went to dinner as well. 

I bought radio parts and made the best of the rest of the day.

...

I ordered 25 blanks and directed them for programming..and ordered 25 chip sockets. $500 but will net $2500 or more, over time.

..

I looked briefly for local job's..

Maybe.. but nothing jumps out..that I am qualified to do.

I either need to go back to TV or bone up on IT or mfg.

...

Like anything else..wait..do nothing... Hope to fall into something..or not.

...

Money is tight. I should rethink my finances..and maybe invest or make a real effort to grow the radio work.

Last year was nearly $10k.. it has potential..

..

Yet..I have no time..or no one to take my time.. 

I need to schedule and manage everything better. 

I need to etch in time for me..and find better diversions..

..

Thing I already know ..

 ..

I would rather be busy chasing a skirt.

I could find a reason to be busy..

But, now I'm old..and have no network of friends. It's all on me.. and I am doing a poor job.

..

I can't lower my standards..cause I don't have any...

As I have said many times..

I am un-inpressive..nothing special..

Usually go unnoticed.. and usually don't reach out..

So ... That is why I am here.

Duh!

...

Ok enough beating me up .

..

I need to focus and find any..a .. reason to travel.. to accept the invite..or to branch out.

..

R

clean up

Did a bit of clean up. 

Cleaned half the kitchen, then vacuum the downstairs. 

Then some radios..old stuff. 

On a roll.. let's see how much backlog I can finish. 

Had a couple overseas inquirys. And one purchase . Sendind the board for the install and tune. 

Another inquiry for shipping to Ireland.. I need to order some stock.

I have built up a little, so I could...should get the process started.

Literally It is money in the bank.

...

Work Saturday.. doing a parade. 

OT money. It is supposed to be cold..and it's supposed to rain..maybe snow. Fun.

...

Still snuck out for a couple.  

I plan on a regular start to the morning..

..

So.  If I keep my self ultra busy..

I won't feel lonely .

I won't miss having friends...

Or going places. .. even the places I can afford.

But I feel I need an escape.. for a a few days .

I need to figure out the vacation/time off thing at work.

I talked with J about the pension/retirement stuff..

So I guess I'm still gonna get some thing.. a pay out of what I paid in..

If I don't work 10 years .. 

Not planning on that..

But maybe I should think about looking private sector..off Cape.. for a bit more $$$ 

..I am fighting inflation. And not winning ..I think I could find something better..but need to put in the effort to find it.

Or I could just coast through and bail in 5 years... 

Not really my style..

11:11

...

Hey A! 

Hey M!

Hey J!

Hey N!

And hey the rest...!!

....

So back to it...

I'm not thinking about it . 

Really I am..but.. trying not to

.

I need to plan for what's next..but..

Maybe not.

...

Someone help me..

...

R

Thursday..

I had a good week so far, we worked on  prep work and a few odds and ends. Setting up for the st.pats parade.  Getting the trucks ready, and figuring out how to get people connected..got to make sure your using the correct ID.  ...

I got several radios done at home, got the base radio fixed after having it a year.. and an amp, and a display swap.. all in 5days.

Looked at the other amp, figured out why it wasn't passing tx..but still not keying .. may have to bail. 

But collected another and may have one more tomorrow.

But Its cash. 

I have a few old radios I need to revisit..maybe with this streak, I'll get them done.

Nothing else new, been busy..so nothing going on. 

I'm still invisible.. unless I shout.

Someday I will figure out how that could work to my advantage... 

So working all day Saturday..and had a long day today. Got home and drove to New Bedford, and after the store, dropped the radios, and the. Drove to PTown..for dinner.. next home and sleep..

Then Friday and pizza..and maybe the public house.

. 

I'm still me..

R

money.

Ok. The state paid me my $9. Last week . The feds also paid out. So I parked that money into a hide.. and with this week's paycheck and a radio payment.  I have a lil in the cushion.. and everything else is paid. 

So, for now I'm caught up. 

I did inventory of parts . And I'm down to 7 chips.. I sold and installed 70 chips.. since I started in 2020.

Already sold 5 this year.. but I have to start the process of ordering shipping for programming, shipping and payment.. I will also need to find more sockets. So I will have to spend some to bank for future revenue.

I think the radios will continue to come in.. for a while longer.

All in all it is good money . There is some labor involved.. and other potential for another option to add. 

But I will have to buy parts and assemble and learn to install them.

I also need to find a way to print manuals in color.. I guess I will have to setup my color printer, after I fix it.

I will work on it.

...

So.. I have not been doing anything new.. I actually spent most of this day, wasting time. I did look at an amp, and may have it figured out..

Which would be nice. 

I sent off the bill for another. I have others that need to be looked at. 

I just need the time and ambition.

Also I need to fix a piece of test equipment.. and totally tear down the radio bench .  And clean it and rearrange it .  And I really need to finish the big unit to taking all the space.

...

And I need to clean the whole house..

Room by room.. I did half the kitchen yesterday.  

Since I am the only one who cares , it will be me . Maybe set the example... 

....

Yes, I am avoiding that issue..

It has not changed, or improved.

I'm just alone. 

I don't remember how or what I'm supposed to do or say.  Even how to begin. 

So what is new .  

Some how I did in the past.. but you got me.. I don't know what I did..or how .

..

Never ending..

..

Yes, I did the 'if you stop looking it will find you' ...no..not always.. usually not at all.  

..

Yet, I come back to this . 

 .. 

I just need to plan a thing..and go .

Minis on top is coming up. But I think that's when my nephew is getting married..in Texas.  I should go .

I should make my self go north and go skiing.  Even alone. 

..

Maybe ..

..

Ok . 

R

still March

Yep..

I had a few thoughts today.. but as usual.. not here in my fingers.

I have a few feelings of 'just being me'.. here..alone as usual.. no one close.. I have someone who understands me..an old friend. ..I am thankful for the attention... 

It was shared and actually one sided..but mutually enjoyable.

Really a matter of fact experience..but what I needed .

I also appreciated the massage.. which was the initial reason . 

I need one now..but wont ask .

Won't intrude..

But it is good to know I still have a friend In an old issue.

It was an issue...long ago.. but we are still friends.  

The last in person visit was actually several months ago..but I feel the love even now. 

Fond memories..and  all that.

...

I am trying to find something to put my effort into.. yes, I have radios to fix..for money..but no play..no adventure..just that and work..

I need something to plan for..

Even the things I hoped to plan..are questionable.. but maybe ..

...

The whole job thing . ..

Maybe was a mistake..

Not enough money.

And now the realization that I may have screwed my retirement.. I won't mature unless I work 10 years..I won't make 10..so ..how does that effect any retirement money..will I still get SSA money? The last estimate was $2500 a month..but if that was based on working another 5years  and adding to SSA.. I'm screwed.  ..the current job don't pay SSA.. it pays Into a pension ..which I won't make if I don't work 10 years..

I would be 69... Not gonna happen....

So am I screwed??

..

I think I should have stayed in TV ...

Ugh..

So being alone is the least of my worries.

....

So..drifting away from that issue ...

A.. sorry if I worried you.

Yes..I miss you.. 

I am sorry I couldn't be more for you..

You are the closest I have found to understanding me..the me that I am.

But.. I guess It wasnt to be.. timing..

Not my time.

...

Sorry.

.....

I am still feeling very alone..

Nothing new 

.. same ole ..

R

March...sneaks in.

Feb ended with little fanfare. I was feeling a bit low, already entering the 3rd month, and done nothing..nothing new.. other than working on the cars .

I did fix a lot of radios so far this year, and will be needing to buy some stock because I am running low. I am shipping the first of the last 8 pieces.

I depleted the radio money on car parts..so I will need to get reimbursed from L and buy from that money.

The Amp was paid for and delivered..and lasted about a week.. so I hear.. he still owes me $50.. 

But he really did not buy it from me..I was the middleman . So if it is broke, I will have to see if Ruben can fix it..for a fee.. I don't think I want to attempt. 

We will see.. 

.....

I think my post, encouraged A to contact... Unfortunately I was waiting to go into work, so we didn't chat long. I will send a msg this weekend.

..

Nothing else .. just work .... And repairs.. got two out last week..and one for delivered to the wrong address. ..a lil stressed text msg. Then happy ending, it was located .

And the guy is happy that it all works.

Still waiting on the other delivery result.

I finished (maybe) another..and need to contact the guy to see what he wants next.

I've looked at e's amp..may need a new switching transistor.. and a coil. 

I have Jane's big base, and Steve's amp.. and a few of Rubens radios to get some. ..

..

Plenty to keep me busy and occupied..so I won't feel bored or lonely.

...

Got a detail in 10 days.. parade money. And still need to take a drive.

Welcome to March.

R