This month has started on a fast track. Lots to do, extra hours due to one guy leaving and another out for a week. Plus my work week shift, puts my weekend on Monday and Tuesday. That and a few coverage nights and a must be here day on my day off a few times..and here we are.. October.
The month of November is a blackout month so i have 2 weeks this month and the month of December to use 135 paid days off.. probably not gonna happen.
Oh well, not anything new there.
I finally found a desk and with it a new rug for the dining room. I have cleaned up the pile of repairs.. only 3 left. Then a other batch on its way.
My L has her car back and has worked her new job for her first week.
So far so good. We are both excited.
A is in Virginia visiting her sister, coming back this week for a few days. It will be good to spend some time.
Fall set in This past week, but it will warm up for a couple days.. winter is coming, and it is supposed to be a bad one.
I am nearly ready.. i have to set up the generator..
I have been cleaning and arranging the stuff ..picking up the clutter.
Finding homes for the random junk. The cars need service. Need to schedule it or do it myself. I have moved some yard plants, and been able to use the fire pit and the deck..i have even walked down to the pond and gone swimming a few times. It has been a good summer ..even though i got started late.
Who knows, maybe we can get some skiing in this year..
I have time.. maybe a couple weekday trips to Vermont in December.
No Key West this year.. we didnt make it up to Canada.. but.. it has been good..
I feel good, i have a positive attitude.. the commute has not made me bitter.. works changes have been rolling..
I think i might have a long term plan.. its all just pencil on paper right now.. but i may be able to do something..new and different.
Something positive.
Each instance requires thought..
Do you hold back? Or put all the cards on the table?
If you have tipped your hand, do you play it out, see if the others saw it
.. or drop some cards and pick up something new?
If your partner noticed..and plays to your hand, do you just play through..is it still a game at this point or just calculated strategy?
Just some way to leave everyone smiling.
No one gets hurt or feels bad.. just happy to be in the game..
Or..is it something better..Something that is not a game at all?
Was it meant to be..is it a spoke in the wheel..that has come around again.. it feels that way.. a return to what was..what should be..what repeats.. reason for existence.. however it ended before..it has come back..because it is what it should be..it feels that way.
Comfortable is not the best description.. it is.. it was..it will be again.
I was talking about cards...
Was i?
Through my life, i have met many people.. i believe i was never meant to live my life alone. Once i found that sharing a sleeping place was more than sharing a room with 3 brothers.. that my pillow is better shared..i knew i was not meant to be by myself.
I have tried it many times .. sometimes for many years.. lonely is not the right description.. it is not how i should be.
Kudos to those that can.. i am envious..
I have and can do it..i do not like it at all.
I dont sleep well, i am never rested..i feel incomplete..
I understand the difference between being alone and being lonely.
I have been both many times. I can.. i just dont like either.. it is not my preference.. i did not get this far..with out being able to cope.
I guess i have always been looking for my 'other half'.
I think we all are.. or we should be.
When you find that person..the one who, finds the spark.. who lights you up..who you energize as well. The one you cannot explain why you both feel you have known each other for centuries..
It is an indescribable feeling to find and be near that person that everything just fits..
Conversation is never strained.. sometimes.you have so much to say.. it can not be said ..
Sometimes..nothing is voiced..and yet so much is said.
The world conspires against us.. and would keep you apart ..the wheel turns..and sometimes you get lost..in the rotation..but it eventually comes back around..
You just have to notice.. see that person across the room..
We get help.. sometimes a push.. nudge.. a changed plan.. a different restaurant.. and there it is.. look.. see it..
Dont wait for the next rotation.. grab on..if you don't and it was meant to happen in this life.. the pattern will force it..do not let it pass..
You will not regret it.
I don't.
Next week may bring a different sensation..but knowing that a place is reserved for you..and you have that same space..that was waiting to be found and filled..has found what you have been searching for for decades..centuries...
You may never be together again..but..you met again..and connected on the level that has more meaning than you can explain..even to yourself..
I have been reading a book series..one that deals with rebirth and the wheel of time..and people that influence the wheel and the weave of the pattern of time.. here I am.. experiencing.. the effect of the wheel..
And the pattern.. i am.finding that people meet ..again.. because they must..it is destined .. designed..to be.. it must happen..it will.
What you do with it depends on if you recognize it..see the weave..
Then you have a choice..act on it..or let.it pass.. it may come round again..it may wait.
I think i see it..
I want to find how to be happy, because i know i will be, if i let it happen.
You make me smile.
I hope i make.you smile too.
See you soon..
R
