Still workin

It has been a few long days in a row for the past weeks..
I am struggling to sleep when i need to..and get all that need to be done..
I asked for time off.. and we had a guy quit..so schedules have changed.. and we all have to cover till he gets replaced.. the bosses have been. Off.. and my request for time off has been denied.. i need to reschedule.. rethink..replan.. i still dont have my car..been 6 weeks..i have bills i have paid.. depleating my reserve cash.. plumbing..car repairs.. hospital and Doctor bills.
Not much left.. trip money..
I missed the Mac trip and the Bacon run.. no Vinyard trip.. no NY visit.
I have time..i need to vacation.. but.. thinking.. we wont be able to get away..

I have a damage bill coming..  just another $500..but.. after the plumbing $2500.. and hospital $450.. planning a 4 or 5 day road trip..may be more than the budget can stand.

Not that i dont need a few days off..and i wont be able to carry more than a week over to next year..

Maybe i should just take a week and stay home..and sleep.. 10 hours a day..  fix radios and cook.. mow the lawn and garden..
It could be worse.. i could be on call..and never get a break..

Yes.. being home..reminds me of how i am alone.
I have tasks..and chores.. stuff to do.. but.. when i am home..i am usually alone.. by myself.. just me..

Ambition and plans usually do not come to mind.. i have things to do..but maybe not today..

Sleep has been on and off.. i get tired..but cant sleep..i sit and.doze off..but cant decide to go to bed. .. when i do...i cant sleep.
Confusing..i find i have no trouble falling asleep while i drive home after work... ;(
It can be a struggle..

I am.working it out.

I think about me and my status.. a lot..
I have no way to meet anyone new..
I have nothing to offer a new interest..
I have no new interests..
I realize my schedule and obligations make it difficult to find..meet..anyone that would have time for me.

Or me for them.. this move..this job.. is not better for the single me..it is more suited for a different type.. not the now me..

Yep, my fault..

I guess..not this year.

R