Moving forward

Lodging secured.. rented and free.
Minor obligations..
Timing will work..not perfect.. but will work.
I have the time off..and the plan to go stay and come.
I will make the best I can of the situation...s..
I am anxious..and ready.
I think my 'friends' or more than friends will make the trip all that it should be.
Many conversations and plans.. in my head and spoken. .
It will be worth it .
I have paid off my car and big card..and deleted a big payment..
Court is pending..obligations are done.
Still waiting on that outcome..
But paid up and worked out.
Time..
I think it will work out..all of it..
Some required connections some deserved..some waited for.
I believe I have restored happiness to one of the lost. And to my benefit. I am happy..even if it goes no further.. even if the contact ends..or stayels as it has been.. or diminishes.. it will be something I remember fondly.
I cannot discount the feelings that have come from this.. and do not wish to.
I m happier than I have been in ages. And am so glad to be able to share it.

Planning. .and fun and destressing.. 15 days..
143..to you..
Smiles and hugs arround!

R 6/30/2915

More later

So I am in the advanced planning stage..
I have inquired about lodging..got approval to take the time from the night job. Formulated a plan of action..requested the presence of a companion.. explained to my obligations.. and planned to terminate my requirements.
I am almost ready.
I want and I need..
If I get half as much..I will not stop grinning.

Need to end..
R 6/19/2015

Update for 'next day'

I see I was jumping to soon.
Looks like the friend is still awaiting my return.
Good so far.. still have to explain myself to both.
I hope it wont ruin it all.
Things are in motion. .planning and dates..
Lodging..and finances.

More later

7/18/15

Days

This is one of those..
I did not get my needed exposure. A little was not enough.
I did my chef impression..my patience impression. And my delivery driver / tire mechanic.. tire repair.. and after this long day..I needed to unwind.
So here I am..
R 6/15/15

I am ready...

I am ready....
For a real relationship.
For a companion that I appreciate and appreciates me.
For the chance of happiness..both received and given..or shared.
For time and distance not to matter.
aFor a synergy that trancends all.
For playful teasing and serious conversation..
For mutual respect and understanding.
For true friendship..and love.
For whatever life throws at either..support and understanding, compasion.. love...
For the ability to work past the negativity of the rest..
For the chance to make it what it can be.

I must apologize for the grief that may come from those that cannot understand how this could happen.

It was not intentional..and not planned..it just happened..
I personally am happy it did.. unintentional. .but solid..and happy.
It seemed like it could not be helped.. it just is.
She is happy...
I am happy..
It can get better...
It could go bad..but..I wont let it if it tries.
I am in love..no denying it.

ISTBA.. give me a chance.

143.

Time and distance is my enemy...
But..after my life..you both owe me..

Let.me.be happy!

Doing ok

Well.. here I am.
Amazed and a bit confused.
I strived to console a friend over her loss.
I was even asked to help by her sister my ancient ex.
I did.. I did care before. And care more as time has gone by..
We talked and I consoled, I made sure another beautiful person new that they mattered..and could be whole again.
Friendship evolved.
First for her..then for me.
We both avoided it..then it was apparent..and she expressed how she felt. I came clean.. and we opened up to each other.
It has snowballed and we are happy.
There is the 'vulture' element..and some important person has issues.. apparently towards me..
Not what I want.
Other family and friends seem to see the good of it all.
I am worried that it will be a deal breaker..
Im surely if I would end it to keep from driving a wedge between them. Not what I want.
They need each other and my hapiness is not that important.
ITSBA is my friend in times of need.

R
6/8/15

Continuing...

Yes.. it continues.
I am happy as I can be ..so far away..
I have plans for a visit.
I will enjoy my time traveling..and staying put..for a short time.
Details are not firm, I need to plan..and wait.
I have things to do.
Obligations..things I cannot skip.
I will do what I have to..and make it work.
I like where we are and where we are headed..
I accept if it isnt accepted by all ..and really few matter...one or two do ... and I would not do anything if it wasnt ok. It does matter..
I believe it will be ok..
I hope it will be ok..
We will see.

R 6/4/15

Happy

I am.
ISTBA... you may have failed this time.
You have tried your best..and I think with time I will prevail.
M is good for me. And I am good for M .
D will see that this is good.
Learning and growth and understanding will all come with time.
Distance is my foe. And it can be lessened and made to not matter at all. Technology...my friend..my tool..my slave..is helping me. I am taking full advantage of the tools I have at my disposal.

I did not set out to find love, it found me.
I had no agenda...just a simple purpose. .to help a friend with loss and grief... and here I am..happy and accomplished.
The happy is a by-product..and it makes me smile... grin.. infact.
I am so happy to be able to bring light to someone who was so dark and alone.
I did not set out to go beyond a friend..but love sometimes happens when and where you are not looking.
Of course there are issues of going where I should not.
'If I was a friend I should never let this happen...I am taking advanrage..' 'vulture' ... and many other phrases come to mind..
I did love my 'Brother'.. and am sorry he had to leave..
I do love my 'Brothers' family.. I wish I could take away their pain..
I wish I could help them deal with the loss of their husband and father..if it was within my power..I would return him to them.
I miss him too..
But. Death in our lifetime is forever. People need to be allowed to heal..and for the survivors.. the living.. life must go on.. if just to spite Death... we may be able to see them again..in the future..but they would not want us to be miserable..and shut down..and lonely..
They would want us to never forget them..but would want us to be happy..to live our lives..and continue.. to live.
Yes, its sad..and we the living morn the loss...but they are free of this life and unless they were selfish and uncaring..would want us to continue..be happy..and LIVE..
It is not bad that we can move on and continue and love again..
It should be that way..
That is why we learn about relationships...when we are young..the pain the loss.. the feeling that we cannot continue without that last love... and then we grow..and realize.. it is not the end for us..we grow and learn to deal with the loss...and another comes into our life and we can be happy again.. it is preparing us for real life..
We lose our loved ones..grand parents..parents.. loves... sometimes friends and lovers..
We dont live forever yet... and death is a human condition.. the current end of the human condition..but is inevitable..and we the living..'survivors' have to deal with it..and continue..in spite of Death. Unfortunately... it is something we deal with more and more as we grow older..and will til we die ourselves.
We will loose friend and family..and people we care about and look up to..
You can learn to not feel..but we must..it adds meaning to our existance..why we do what we must..day to day..
If we never hurt or feel pain..we would not know happiness. .
You must have the dark to appreciate the light.

Lots of cliches..but. all true.

I am feeling the glow of someone I love..from 2000+ miles.. and I know they love me..and it feels fantastic..

Time and distance will either be our friend or our enemy..but
We will see.
But for now.. this time..and in this place..

I am HAPPY!

ISTBA..I do not need your help..
Please..let me be..
I will owe you..
..

6/2/2015
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