Question

Ok... should I be concerned..??
My girl is still on POF..and still is texting her last 2 exes...
????
Yes they are texting her...but she is still keeping it going....
She answèrs them. .am I a fool??.

R

Tomorrow

Yes, tomorrow. . Er. Today.. is going to be busy... and .. beer and vodka later.... lol.
I will survive..

R 1/29/15

Hi there!

Been a while since my last post.
Works have been more than busy.
ISTBA has decided to leave me alone for now .. I revisited what was going off.. and told ISTBA.. to give me a bit.
So it has been good..and I have been making an effort..to not be so busy.
I think that works when I am actually not busy..but when I am. . All bets are off..and now im a Dick.
It isnt that I dont care..its that im doing my best to be responsible... I have to..I have someone that depends on me... and I have the works. ..
What am I supposed to do.. I cant be jealous..

Lol..

Ok... lack of sleep will make you..post stuff that happened a few days ago..and drunk blogging dont make it better or easier... go figure..

Oh yeah!

Well, I am worked to death.. 28 hrs..working..2 hrs sleep after..4 more hours..and then a nights sleep..and repeat..now here it I

Lets see

Ok. I have restarted .
I inquired and asked for forgiveness for letting my life take over.
I said I would not let work take all my time, and MAKE time for her in my life.
I need to survive this week and not screw this up.
I said I would change the way our relationship went and correct it to make it more than it was and try to make it right.

I understand what it is and will allow her to know more of me. That may make or break it.. we will see.. I am really not that great a prize..but she may know better than I.
We
Will see.



R

begin

Last night was interesting to say the least.
I am not sure what my take on it means.

J you have a point, but.. it isnt all what you think.. I do need to help my young adult grow up..
but, she is not the sole reason I am having issues, the rest of my life is not functioning as it should.
Works are difficult to manage and my direction is on pause.

As for the rest of the night, I am as confused as ever. I don't know how to proceed. I think I should wait, just a bit.. and then maybe see if we can talk. I have been thinking I should try a few real dates.
If she is willing, but I think I may be too late, she appears to have a boyfriend, and I need to figure that part out first.

Her statement that 'she wishes there was a place for her in my life..'
I realize it is the thing i need to work on.. but we both have to make room, we both have extremely full lives, and adding someone with all they have can be overwhelming.
It cannot be one sided.. add all of yours to me and accept none of mine, or vice a versa..
I dont have much, but what I have consumes most of my time, partly my own fault.. I allow it to do that so that I will not be stagnant. If I am busy I am not so bored or lonely.. I am but I dont notice as much.

I have plans, and goals, but I have been putting on hold, for whatever excuses I make.

I will have to finish this a little later.. but it is on my mind.

R
1/04/15

Hello 2015

Not sure if I an ready for an end of year summary. But I will give it a shot...
ISTBA is in the house..and keeping tabs on me.
My young adult has chosen to take a quarter off and is back under my roof 24/7.. mostly sleeping and then on the computer the rest of the time.
Ive mentioned that she needs to be helping.. but am waiting for the holidays to be over.. prob my mistake.. but.. planning for next week.

2014 was all it was..and could have been so much more...
I could have enjoyed what I had and made the effort to make it work for her.. but would it be a lie.. I know I could make it work..and be happy..but would it be enough?.

I am not the $400k home type.. my place is simple and within my means.. not looking for that lifestyle.. too old for that.. I have my debt and my mortgages and living expenses.. it would suck to dig a bigger hole and just kill myself trying to fill it back in..scary...

I still have my responsibilities..and my solitude in crowded places..
ISTBA is keeping me company. And never asks me to pay...

I must begin to plan for whats next.. and figure out what I should be doing..

More later..
R 1/2015

2014

Well its the end of 2014.
I am as always me and just me..
I have no other obligations except my monthy bills..and the fact that i must get up the next day and do it all again.
ITSTBA is back and making my life stable..
If you call lonely and aimless stable..
I must do what I do to continue on..
I make purpose out of the things I can...otherwise I am floundering..
But.. what have been there before..and will again.

Happy 2015