Here I am

Well what to say..
Here I am sitting here ..
ISTBA by my side..
Keeping me company.

Yes.. it cannot be more desolate..
And I have nothing to do and no one to do it with..

Yeah I know pathetic..
Lonely and pathetic...

Loser.... "L"

Nothing going on... should be home sleeping.. got a morning meeting.. and groceries..and nothing else.. maybe a drive.. before dinner..

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.. or not doing..
I am a bit lost..
Need a direction to go... I am directionless
Or is that aimless.. no... I have an aim.. a goal
..not to be alone..

I don't get it.
I have worked so hard at my relationships. .never got enough out of them.. and the last..was not even my fault.. if you don't include unknowingly marrying a lesbian. . And raising a child together..

Now I am washed up.. no prospects..
I have a good job, a home..a couple cars.. this and that.. but no one that wants me around.. .

You would think by this time in this day and age someone would see this as an opportunity to be happy..

Nope.. would know if it was there in front of me.. still oblivious.. and as always chasing what I cannot have..and prob don't need.

But now I'm getting older and guess I should stop looking and start fivuring oit what is next.. time is running away from me..and on nights like this I just feel old, unloved and neglected...

ISTBA!!

R 9/20/13