Hello Tuesday

Has to be the worst day of the week.
It's not Monday.. not humpday.. not one day next to friday.. just thad day..

Not doing much.. thinking about every thing and every one...
Kinda hoping some one would give me a reason to do something.
But not gonna happen.. its Tuesday. ..

That is about it.. gonna go home and end my day.. prepare for humpday..

Well that is kinda what I needed.. I just had someone I don't know buy my dinner!

I hope that means things are looking up!..
Take that Tuesday!!

I best get home and end this day on an up..

Good night...

Miss you....

All of you.

Lol

R 9/24/13

What to do

Just don't know what to do next.
I think it may be hermit time..
Time to start ( go back to )
Staying close to home.. not doing anything.. or go anywhere..
Cut back on where I post and what I say and do..
It isn't helping me .. I go out and sit.. and I can be alone at home..
I can sleep and fix stuff and make money. Or do stuff around the house.. clean.. yard work.. and such.. save my going out for travels
And such..

It would probably save me some money that can be better spent..

Time is ticking away..and I am not helping the stuation by just siting here spending my cash on stuff I could be doing at home..

I know people care.. but no one specific person cares enough.. just I get missed or commented when I post what is In My life.
But its just casual.

I undserstand casual.. but I just don't know how to go beyond it.. I have. But have no idea how it ws done.. I do t think it was me... if so..it was by accident. Cause when I try.. I fail.
No lesson learned by it.. just failure..

I don't know, ..never knew, how to turn that around.. if I don't fall In it.. I don't see it.. work.. love.. life.. its all the same.

Just me , I guess..

R 9/21/13. 11:51p

Here I am

Well what to say..
Here I am sitting here ..
ISTBA by my side..
Keeping me company.

Yes.. it cannot be more desolate..
And I have nothing to do and no one to do it with..

Yeah I know pathetic..
Lonely and pathetic...

Loser.... "L"

Nothing going on... should be home sleeping.. got a morning meeting.. and groceries..and nothing else.. maybe a drive.. before dinner..

I don't know what I'm doing wrong.. or not doing..
I am a bit lost..
Need a direction to go... I am directionless
Or is that aimless.. no... I have an aim.. a goal
..not to be alone..

I don't get it.
I have worked so hard at my relationships. .never got enough out of them.. and the last..was not even my fault.. if you don't include unknowingly marrying a lesbian. . And raising a child together..

Now I am washed up.. no prospects..
I have a good job, a home..a couple cars.. this and that.. but no one that wants me around.. .

You would think by this time in this day and age someone would see this as an opportunity to be happy..

Nope.. would know if it was there in front of me.. still oblivious.. and as always chasing what I cannot have..and prob don't need.

But now I'm getting older and guess I should stop looking and start fivuring oit what is next.. time is running away from me..and on nights like this I just feel old, unloved and neglected...

ISTBA!!

R 9/20/13

Thursday

Not much going on..
Quiet couple days..
Waiting for the disaster to hit.
Too many bad things could happen right now..
And not much I could do about it..
So maybe..we will get through it.

Then there is nothing else..
Repair some stuff I've been putting off. And finish the projects I've been trying to get done..

It is as it is.. and wait for the next thing to take all my time.

Got the sale/purchase to get through.. and all that entails.
I hope its smoother than I expect. But of course.. it prob won't be..
I will hopefully survive..

Still lonely..
ISTBA
As always..

No help there..

The roomate is moving out.. finally...
Good or bad.. it gonna happen.. may be time for another road trip..

Need one for me..

We will see...

R
9/20/13. 12:15A

Hedges and containers

What a couple weeks can do...
I did get the hedges cut down and stumps pulled.
2 weeks of working in a couple 40ft hot metal boxes..
Metal thieves and cash... a few demands and a couple thanks later, I have disposed of hundreds of thousands of dollars of electronic equipment and scrap.. I made a few friends ..giving stuff away.. but nothing for me but .. it looks good... comments .
The open house went almost to plan.. sorry Mike.. but thanks just the same.. a day of quiet.. but doom lurks on the horizon.. floods and road destruction and equipment failure looms ... hope and good thoughts.. may not help fill 300 x 15x 40 foot hole in the road, or a damaged piece of equipment that cannot be accessed.. but . I have to hope we can keep it running till the roads get fixed..

Personal life isn't much better.. just another huge hole that isn't gonna allow me to go any where or have any fun..

It isn't bad.. just it ... isn't.

Wish I could just make it better for all.. myself included.. make the smiles mean something... not just to hide the pain and loneliness. .

Nobodys fault but mine..
I never was able to get anyone's attention unless I wasn't trying... then they usually had to hit me over the head for me to notice..

Yes, you...

But I can keep on..like I have for so long.. and just work till I can't any more..

Deal with the people I must deal with..and survive..

I dont have it bad.. I just don't have it..
Nothing , no one, to make it worth doing it all for..
My daughter is my only salvation.. she is perfect..happy and almost her own woman.. which will mean.. time for her to be on her own..and no longer need dad for much... I know she won't go too far.. but sbe will go.. spread her wings and be..
That much I know..and accept..but then. I will just be me..by myself.

Inevitable...

It is really what I want.. what I've been working towards.. a healthy happy productive child.. all grown up and fending for herself..making her way.. and proud to have been part of it.

Still.. I do not know what I am supposed to do..
I work.. and that's about it..
Many people depend on me..but with little satisfaction. . For me..
Not much for me..at all. .

Take me for granted.. most do.. and I guess I'm at fault too.cause I let it happen..

R 9/17/13..

Oh yeah..
Happy birthday ... RC..

Nothing changes

Ok Saturday.
Tried to have fun.. didn't .
Sat there.. for a couple hours. Then the game...
Not sitting near anyone.. in the wrong seat.. the kids I. My seat kept yelling, screaming and kicking me in the back.
It was time to go.. end of the first quarter...
No respect.
Now at otb.. alone.. and... still not having much fun.

Oh well.. tomorrow is critters and hedges..

ISTBA

R 9/7/13

More of the same

Ok.. just me.

ISTBA

Yes, I know I am just the the guy that is here.
I got nothing going on.
Still just working.
I have no personal life.
I am not having any fun.
I am me.

I was thinking I need to confront someone and just tell them I just want 3 weeks. After that you can tell me what I'm doing wrong.

I'm good for 3 weeks.. somewhere I go wrong.. I just don't know where. If I can figure that out .. maybe I can fix me and find someone that will stay..

I just can't keep doing this.
I am part of a family.. the youngest.. I always had someone there.. I can't be alone.. it just sucks.

I have had to .. but don't like it..
Soon my daughter will be gone.. and I will be alone.. and I don't know what I am to do..

I suck at relationships.. either I am all in or I'm not..and when I am.. they are not.. when I'm not... they are.. and they go..

ISTBA.

R 9/6/13

ISTBA...

Yep, I am here.
And I didn't deserve the treatment I got.
But its my own fault..
And yes you are a flake....
Your words.. not mine.

I guess you looked for me when shit went down.. and thought better of it..and needed an excuse.. I guess a random innocent comment was what you needed. Now I'm history..

Really your loss . I was more into you than you knew..and It would have been nice to show you how you really should be treated.. the godess you are.. but.. as I said..' as you wish '.

I will think about you, but as you asked.. its goodbye.

I think I give up..
JW has a beau
C isn't gay and has a thing
JM has a guy..she is changing
I'm just me and cant even carry a conversation on POF..

ISTBA.

But I am..

R 9/1/13
Yes its September.