Time apart

Well I am unsure what to think as usual, I read what I see...
And wonder. What is directed at me? What is for me to ponder.
Am I kidding myself and it really isnt for my benefit.. is it to make me think or does it have nothing to do ithme at all.

I see that its obvious that I am seperate from everyone else.. never a coment or any acknowledgement of anything I say..never.

I wonder what that means...
Does it mean I dont (never) mattered?
Or
Does it mean I am 'special' and cannot be acknowledged publicly. ..

It is hard to decipher. . I dont know what to think.
Most of anything recent ia all about relationship and being apart.
It is far from random.. it is directed at someone..
But I dont think its me.
I am not getting any other contact beside what I create.. then its limited and short.
I have left several opportunities for contact to be initiated from her but it never happens.
I have to keep the contact open, I dont want to lose out by falling off the radar but I think that may be the next step.. put it on her.... see if I really matter.
Been there before.. and lost out...
She still owes me... but it will have to wait.. I think I have to back away. Let her get on with her new/old life...
I dont think I play into it any more, if ever...
It is and has been what it has been... I am treated very differently than anyone else...

Out of site and out of mind.

Miss you.

Back to my drink..

R 4/13/13