Almost ahhhh....

Things have been going OK.
I need to buckle down a bit and save some money, I have been used to doing what I want, because I had surplus, but now its gone.
I have to go back to the mode of not
Spending anything I don't have to.

I have a few issues, but they are better, I think we are comfortable around eachother. I like it. I think you do too.

See ya soon

R
-

Ok. Did I mess it up?

Sometimes saying the right thing at the wrong time can seriously undermine all you are trying to do.
Saying the right thing at the wrong time ...

It sucks to be me sometimes...

And history can suck too.. but you don't get to be my age without history....

R

Ok..not ok.

Well I was right, I guess I can't win for long.
Finally verified why, and truly depressed about the reason.
I wish I could fix this. I was getting better, had a reason to smile but, messed it up being what I thought I needed to be.
Sometimes friendship is over rated, especially when the friend knows they can take advantage of your good nature.
Here I am, alone again because of it.
Really, I am a nice guy.. just no one will let me be that way.
:(
I just want to be happy.. and to be able to help someone else be happy. You know be happy together. 
Not too much to ask. At least I've always thought it wasn't too much to ask..... so I find its tougher than I ever thought.

I was looking forward to a good weekend.. I guess I will lock my self in my room and hope I can get my technical brain around some repair work, I have enough of it, and if all cooperates I might get some personal satisfaction and make a few bucks.

I am bummed out.. figures just when I was hoping to be, I find out I am not. It sucks that it happens again and again.
Really not where I wanted to be at this age. (Or any, for that matter) I just am so tired of being alone. Feeling like no one cares. And all my efforts are in vain. I just don't get it.

Back to me.. work work work.. nose to the grind stone, no one will even notice..

LSTYD.

Right there with ISTBA !

R

Yep, yet again.

Well, what do I say?
Am I right? Has it been 3 weeks?
Bout all I am good for. Said it before and it proves true. ??
I don't know... I hope I am wrong, I was ready.. I wanted this to develop. Probably why I think it failed.
I wish you would talk to me, I don't get why it crashed and burned. (Did it?)  I still don't know.
Lonely and confused.
Then on top of all that.. my cars are giving me fits. Too expensive to be needing all this attention.
I have no money, not getting any night hours, and have no time or ambition to work on the piles of stuff I have to fix at home.

What did I do? Why can't I get a break? I was just starting to enjoy myself.

R

I can call it..

Well it does not take a rocket scientist to see what is gonna happen sometimes.
I was right on the money, it was gonna be a problem and now it is.
How big, dunno, but I was getting too comfortable, another mistake, so time to screw it up!

Too many of my friends have been telling me, I need to do something, say something, stop doing something, put down my foot, grow some balls, etc.. stop letting myself be taken advantage of... Stop being an 'Enabler'...
well, it was never too much of an issue before, I didn't have any kind of life before, I wasn't trying to move forward, ITSBA and all that. So, now that its expected for me to be doing nothing better.. and since I am so used to it.. and the being needed part, feeling like I am actually helping someone part, just another point for me to bitch about.. now its getting in the way..

How to bring it up without being a jerk..? I am done waiting for it to get better, I have to make it better, but is it too late?..
Did I already screw this up? 
Probably.
Does that change the fact that I need to stop this and keep moving forward?
No.

The question again is how to do this. I wish I could figure that part out. It isn't that simple.
just say no... wish it was.

Now, I am also back to, can I fix the broken part?
Is it broke?

Arghhh is gonna change to Grrrr before it gets to Ahhhh.. 

Damn...

R

Yep

Huh

What is a guy to do?

Well, I am anxious. Wondering what I should be doing. I am hanging out, waiting.  Waiting to be asked to go pick up, I know it will happen, but I am waiting on someone I would rather spend the time with. Don't want to go and come back for and be gone an hour, I have to get this worked out because it will continue if I don't.
I don't want to cause doubt and issues, I want to continue to work to a good place. So We can be happy and not lonely.

More...

R

Getting better all the time...

Ok.. no ITSBA comment for a while, been working on it, and for once succeeding. Still taking it slow(sort of) but trying to avoid the complications and grief.  Waking up there was not as bad as it could have been, no looks, but maybe a lil disapproval? Not of me, but of the situation?? I think it will be ok. We will see.

A few factors to deal with, but meeting with approval in places where it counts.  Got to work on those items that complicate things, and those things in my head. But, its mostly positive right now, and liking the feeling.  Getting happy again.
Been way too long.
R