end of May

Well, the end of the month is on the horizon..

I have an a Saturday and a Monday off... Working the Sunday..easy OT.

Pick up the big truck, drive it for 30 minutes, park it, deploy the options..and sit..for a few hours. 

I will get relieved and then go home... probably 6 to 8 hours .. 

Not a bad gig and all OT. 

I could use it as comp time..to earn some time off.. but no idea what to do with time off.. no where to go, no one to see.. so prob better to bank the cash. 

Summer Is almost here.. I need to find something to do..take a break.. 

Maybe.. 

So..I tried to help a friend..I worked on their lawn mower.. I got it running..sort of ... Better than not running at all..but not perfect. 

Another friend..asked for advice, I suggested fixing the broken car..and keeping the truck that needs work..

All that means is they won't be repaying me this month...

I think I am still ok.. I have checked my ledger/bankbook..and I am still negative.. in .vs out.. but I did not dip into the reserve to pay the bills this month.. car repairs are another issue..L may need to help.. it is her car..and she has cash.. we will see.. maybe 50/50.. 

So..

Still lonely..nothing changing there.. 

No idea if the summer will change that..if all goes to plan... No.. no changes.. 

I will need to be more alert, and less introverted..if that is to change.. probably not gonna happen.. it has not so far..

I am not going anywhere this summer..as far as I can tell.. really as I said..no where, no one to go see.. 

.. more of the same.. 

Maybe.. I should just keep paying the bills..move some stuff around..and bank the rest.. do my yard work..maybe paint my house.. and see what happens. 

Really... I am not un-happy..just not as happy as I want to be.

Yes, I know I am lucky.. I have a job..I am reasonably healthy..I live in a safe place.. I have a home and no restrictions on my lifestyle.. 

I am as debt free as I can be..(I'm not dead) .. 

I'm just alone..I have been there before..many times..and that probably isn't gonna change anytime soon.

But i am used to that.. 

I have basically given up.. no point in complaining about it .I have been this way for so long..I have to be used to it by now.......

Oh..I almost forgot.. happy anniversary to me.. I got married 27 years ago.. 

Water... flowing under that bridge.. 

Done.. closed the book on that..

Ok..I guess enough babble for tonight.. 

R

weekends

Well, I see that I have my weekends back. ..

Nothing planned, no schedules, beside the obvious and normal. 

House chores, groceries, radio work, maybe a drive. Not much else. 

I will need to mow the lawn..maybe Sunday.. maybe early Saturday..

I worked last Sunday, and will work again the Sunday of the next holiday. 

The road rally is in July, but I will be going to Illinois for work training for a week, around the rally time..I think the week before.. so, not planning on the rally, again.. maybe in 2 yrs.. 

I will have to work in a deep spring cleaning of my house. The dust and such. Maybe clean and polish the woodwork and doors. Wash the kitchen floors and counters.. I need to get regular cleaning on a schedule...like I had before. 

The other car is at the dealer for service.. finally.. maybe they can find the reason for the code I can't reset..and do the normal maintenance. They came down and picked it up and left a loaner for the weekend. 

I have a few radios pending.. got 4 in process.. one of which is a stumper..I will figure it out. It's a never ending stream.. I am fortunate to have it. 

...

Yeah, I'm still a bit lonely.. being busy helps..I can just ignore it. .. but my kiddo needs me less every day.. and I'm just adding another day ..watching it go by.. doing a little here and there to help who I can..but nothing big. 

When I had the better paying job...and even less free time, I helped a few.. but the only reward there was personal satisfaction..which ..don't get me wrong is good..but ...

But, I have made that leap into less pay, less stress.. and probably not gonna be loaning out any cash in the near future.. I still need to see if I make enough to survive.. so far so good.. no panic for a bill due..

Not eating into the bank accounts..so far.. and a small raise is on the horizon .and some OT as well.. 

So..all in all, I am still just getting to the next day.. 

See you tomorrow..

R 5/20/2022

playing catch-up

I saved this note to post ..

It was a random thought on my way home one day.. 

Forgot what I was going to say okay let's try this,

 when I'm involved with someone I normally give it 100% and they take all my time. I work it within schedules between work and time with them, there is time with home and family but it's mostly time with them and I schedule my life around spending time with them.

when I don't have anyone, I have a lot of other things I should be doing that I try and do but I never actually seem to accomplish anything because there's really no goal I'm just working working and yet there's nothing no reward at the end...

I guess what was going through my mind was, that I am just existing..looking for some thing that gives me purpose. if I have someone in my life, I can focus my attention on having a productive relationship..and the rest of the day to day takes a back seat, and only the necessity is important. 

I do not, and have not had a real relationship in many years.. and this past year has been looking for a reason to be happy. 

I have made many upgrades to my life, I have successfully accomplished a few goals I set for myself. 

With nothing better to take my time and spend my money on.. I have zeroed out my bills, down to the bare bones. No more debt than necessary. 

No not debt free . .. I am still alive and living ... But, low overhead.. 

Basic utilities, housing, food, car payment and the remainder of the students loan.

Compared to 4 years ago... Amazingly low debt. 

So, I decided to make the move to a better less stressed job situation, in time for the gas prices to double and inflation to make me very happy I did.

So let's see if the choice was right and more than just good timing.

I am still fairly lonely and have only my daughter to spend time with a couple nights a week. 

Spring is here, summer is coming, and I may get some time off soon.

My travel plans have all been put on hold till I can accrue some vacation time . Most of the large money wasting projects have been cancelled in my mind.. nothing critical..just stuff I wanted to get done. 

Maybe next year ....

But, I guess... I am still personally alone..and living with it. 

I have had lots of radios to work on. I have made a bit of cash with it. The chip upgrade is still very popular, the local radio guys are now asking me to work on more and more..I had to decide I would only work on local stuff on the weekends as time and schedules permit. It all pays money, but I have to make time to do the work. Otherwise I get stuck on something and fall behind. And people get pissed.. but I am still fairly reasonable and cheaper than the al to alternatives, and I stand behind my work, and usually can get it done.

Since January I have done 40 different radios and have a que of radios new and old that will get done. 

I bought a new personal radio..$700 cash..out of the repair money..and just ordered another $600 in parts, again out of the repair money..so not doing so bad..I could supplement my income if needed. But not needed so far. 

I need to keep restructuring my money to do the most good with what I need. Car insurance is done for the next 6 months..I will revisit that with a work discount..house insurance too.. I need to try to plan a vacation for the end of the summer..fall.. or winter..

I do not know what this summer will bring.. if I will have a visitor..or be able to go visiting.. either would be nice. 

I am s figuring out the work time off situation.. but i am sure it will work out. 

Ok . That is it for now..

Tomorrow will be a long day, travel for work, and sit for a few hours.. and travel back..all overtime.. and no real challenge except driving the big truck.

I found a post, that may have been part of the purge..I will repost it soon.. it's funny because it was from 2014.. and I lament over the same thing.. being alone..and wasting my time too often.. 

Just more of the same.. 

I am probably gonna be here in this place for a long time.

R 

5/14/22