Been a bit

It is mid September, Summer is over, and the pandemic has shifted gears to new strains, but with most people vaccinated, not a lot of issues, other than the ones reported to get the unvaccinated to vaccinate. Travel has resumed in most countries, and all over the US. I have gone nowhere. L is still scared, from what she sees online. she has not been in a restaraunt in more than a year. I still wear a mask in the stores, and in other publc places and at work. I am not sure if I will travel this year. I have cancelled any road trip plans I had. I have air plane tickets that expire in December.. right now, I am unsure if I did go, if I would be welcome. I am not sure if I have done something to mess this friendship up or not.. but we are getting close to the time for A to go back, and I have not seen her or spoke with her in person in almost three weeks.. I took time off, to be able to spend some time together, and she made plans to go to Maine, which got postponed, but did go to Arizona for a week, and then after she came back I was working, and on my weekend, she went to Maine.. All my conversations have been one sided texts, with short responses or questions in answer to questions.. I feel like I did something wrong.. but dont know. I am guessing a few things, either i started to appear to be getting too close again, wanting too much... Or, she was seeing that she was getting too close, and we cant have that. As I said in the beginning of this Summers adventure, I know how I get, I get attached, and appear to be over board, but I know in the end, she is going home, with out me, to live her life. I just wanted to spend any available time i could with her. I have nothing else. Of course no one believe that.. everyone thinks I have these multiple lives I lead, I have no idea where that comes from.. Why else do I get so attached to anyone that shows me some attention?? I have been this way all my life.. which is why I am alone now.. no one wants me, not for more than few minutes at a time. Well, if it is that I was getting too close, too clingy, maybe a kind word, letting me know.. instead of all this apparent avoidance. Hey, i may be wrong..maybe it just wasnt convient to squeeze me in for a couple days that I was free, around my work days.. they have been nuts.. but.. I would have made time, even just to go for a walk, or get some coffee.. I like being with her, it feels right to be around her, we talk, she shares helpful things with me. makes me feel like an equal. Oh well, maybe this will all be just somethiing in my head.. and next week she will seek me out to spend time with me before she goes back to work. or maybe not.. R 09/15/2021