The status quo...

Yep.. not much is working in my favor.
L got a rejection letter from the job interview ... :(

I did not finish the car radio..
The plumber told me to call someone else..
I did not get to see my friends band today..

I ended up..working around the house..
I did finish 3 sets of repairs.. sent out the bills.
I have 3 more sitting in boxes.

I did not do much outside.. it was a nice day..and so far a nice night.
I did not get or build a fire pit..i decided against the gazebo..
I did mount some lights on the deck..
Maybe tomorrow i will update the radio in l"s car.
It isnt a 3 day weekend for me..i had to work Sat.. and i will get paid for Monday as a holiday.. but..that is all..2 days off.

Tuesday will be long.. early delivery..and staging and uncrating..
Then begins the even longer days..
The build crew should be here soon..and the week next another delivery.. then a few weeks of build..and fetch..
We have less than 2 months to be up and running. .. starting from scratch....

L is not good.. stresses with her friends.. one has decided to stop talking with the other.. she is stuck in between.. and stressed.. plus the job rejection..

I am failing.. again..

I have had no overtime for the last month..
I have been going in early..and not punching in..i leave ..and just put the scheduled time.. i have finished my book.. and started a new one..
I spend that early hour reading in the parking lot.. then go in and clock in.

I am waiting to hear about it...
The commute sucks if i leave  to get there at the start time..so it is better to leave early..and have an hour to myself..and i get to read...yes..my day is now 3 hours longer.. and i have summer traffic to deal with.. Friday it took me 2 1/2 hours to drive 42 miles home..
It is summertime on the Cape...

I will get thru it.. my situation will change..as it always does..
I will ..i do..

Oh.. yeah..happy anniversary..

Lol..

R 5/27/19

Sunshine

Here we go.. the sun has chosen to shine for this weekend!
I bought a mower and mowed my lawn during the 2 hours of sunshine last weekend.. i am looking to buy or build a fire pit in my back yard..maybe buy a gazebo..maybe.. they are everywhere right now..
Im still working on the car radio.. bought some cables..i am getting quotes for lp to natural gas conversion.. the first..no reply..the second..$1900..lets see about the third.. i had an inquiry about my old engine..but they didnt want to pay enough.. so probably not gonna sell it.
I have an appointment for car service, on Monday..10k plus between now and the last oil change..
I am still finishing up one batch of radio repairs.. and another couple on the way ..
Work..delays..due to shipping..but been hard at work the past few weeks.. still doing demolition of the old... today it was industrial heat exchanger tear down.. 3 hours.. drilling..hammering and un-bolting..
I am so sore. .. cut..bruised.. old.

L is still waiting on a callback for a job..they said.2.to.3.wks..monday will be 2 wks..

I need to plan a vacation.. i was hoping for the first week of August..but work said no.. so..looking at possibly a different road trip in Canada the last week of August.  We will see..

R

Rain

Yeah..its May..spring.. the flowers are blooming the grass is growing.. it has been raining.. and raining..
I know.. a few months from now..it will be hot..

Yes, i need to buy a mower.. and get the lawn done.. i have a plumber coming tomorrow..to get an estimate for natural gas conversion.
So a few things..

I did work on the car radio..the satellite works..but not the aux or USB..so i had to order some cables.. i also should look for a face plate so i dont have to modify the existing.. but i could.

I did some work on the radio repairs.. got one of 2 nearly done.. and parts on the way for others.
Plenty of stuff to do..

While i was working on the car radio..i think the engine code cleared.. so the new thermostat housing seems to have worked..i need to clean the one i removed and send it back ..

So much for the day to day..

Not much else..

R 5/12/19

May..

I am sore.. tired and busy.
Work is been .. work. I have cut my overtime as much as i can. ..per request.. i have been trimming my hours ..waiting to clock in..  clocking out  early to "fit" my schedule.. i still ended with 3 hrs ot.. but not noticeable.. no need to 'justify' ..
I have been working .. i feel i have accomplished something each day.
I am scarred and bruised and sore every night. .. tired and somewhat satisfied that i have done all i could.  I am still providing studio support..but my primary is getting the "site" ready for new equipment.
I spent 4 hours today cleaning..taking out the trash..sweeping and moving equipment around..making room for deliveries..scheduled for next week.. we have been scrapping old equipment..breaking it down for recycle..last week it was over $1600 .. for just a van load of copper, brass and steel.  The electricians have been in all week..and getting closer to being ready to power the new equipment.

Home.. i need to buy a mower..i thought i had one.. but no..and with all tbe rain..my grass is tall.. the plow guy offered last weekend to mow..but since i didnt have cash.. said he would be back.. never happened.. and of course it has rained every weekend cor the past month.. maybe Monday.. i will buy a mower and do the front yard.
It is gonna rain tomorrow..Sunday..
L's interview went well..she had to drive 40 min each way for it..they said they will be in touch in a couple weeks..
Her car is good..i replaced the thermostat housing..again.. thursday evening... and she took it out today with no issue..except i may need to take it to the dealer to clear the codes.. ..
I should drive it to work for a week.. just to make sure it is good.
I plan on working on the radio in her car tomorrow after groceries..

Speaking of radios.. i got 2 more in the mail to fix..making the current backlog 6.. i have ordered parts and am waiting on some power plugs..
Plus one of the new boxes will need a part.. ..
So as always..plenty to do..plenty to keep busy..

I had lots to post..ideas..thoughts..but..all gone now..
Better this way.. no need to dig up crap to make me lonelier..
I have moments ..usually when driving..wow..that would be a good topic.. and gone.. not that important.. enough to remember..
..

That being said..

Brain dump. . . .

L is home..she went out early this morning..to an event.. no issues..had a great time.. i met her after work.. we went go dinner.. ten home..then out for ice cream.
She is not afraid to do things.. she just needs things to do..
I am the same.. work provides me with a place to be..a reason to get out of bed.. i strive to accomplish the required tasks.. it is simply 'busy work'.. satisfaction is primarily decided by my paycheck.. personally.. i get a bit more.. but i get paid..so i work..
It is circular..

I am alone.. most of the time.
All on me..
I am the reason..
Not much has changed in the many years since school..

I never ever wanted to be alone..
I find.. i am, most of the time..
Either because of me..or in spite of me..
ISTBA knew.. that is why he never came back..
I think he is hanging with Charles L and Duane..out in Hawaii..
So..without L.. i would be..

I moved here..to be alone in a familiar place..
I think i knew .. this is were i would end up..
Either alone..or here..or both.
I chose a job..
One that once L has a life without me..
I could dedicate all my time to work.. away and at home..work.
No reason to meet anyone..no time.. no opportunity..
Just to solidify.. the reason..why i am ... alone..

I did the .. find old friends..old loves thing.. it turned out to be a reminder .. you are old... you are alone for a reason..

Obvious.

You make bad decisions.. you have always settled..
Tried to adjust.. accept.. rationalize...
Compromise..
It usually never works to your favor..
More often..it works against ..

But in the end..

Alone...

You know..
When i am happy..
When i think i have figured it out..
That club hits me when i am not looking..
Wrong..
You stopped trying..  because you thought you didnt need to anymore..
You had found that comfortable place..person..
You could focus on other things.. cause you were there..

Nope..

Not even close..

So .. you end up alone..

Now..
Old and alone..

R 5/12/19

Week..end

Well i made.it to Saturday.  I have found a happy medium with my work schedule. Since i have to work the 7:30a to 3:30p shift..and morning traffic sucks at that time..i can either leave 15 minutes later and get to work at 7:30, after sitting in traffic for an hour and 30 mins..or i can leave at my regular time..and get to work at 6:30a..then sit in my car and read till 7:30a.  I still have to work till 3:30p..and drive home..usually for an hour and a half..or more.. making my day 3 hours longer..but i am getting time to read.
I have been doing this for the last 2 weeks..and i still end up with OT..but not as much.
It will average out.

L has an interview Monday a 40 min drive from home..i have a tire shop appt. Monday as well.
Good luck L!

Work for me ..is work.  Been busy..getting it done..and expecting deliveries over the next few weeks..still have a disassembly to finish and more scraping.  Then assembly time. Our schedule is set for Aug 1.

With all that..i have been tired..worn.. fortunately i do get sleep most nights. Monday nights are always tough..either cant get in bed early enough or when i do..i can't sleep.  Big empty bed..

No time for much else.
Not much for me to offer..always working... little free time to share..
So..that would make it hard to start any new friendships..

Not much new there..

Go figure..

R 5/4/19