Much has changed in the past few weeks..
I have found a house to move my crap into.
A place for my kid and I to have our own space..
We can unload the pod and settle in.
My situation has changed.
Not really sure if I messed that up.
I think I did.. but no one is pointing ..
But..since the plan is cancelled. I need to find my space..stop being a buden.
I will continue to help if I am allowed..
I know..
I jumped at the chance to be here..
I was too much.
Overwhelming..
As always..I thought we talked through this.. maybe I talked..to me..
And worked it in my head..
And of course..scrwed it up.
Too much. .
Not now.
And I find myself.. set here..and the rest drifting away out of reach.
Like that time I was caught in thw rip current.. I barely felt it happening.. I knew it would be to my doom..
I fought to save my kid.. not caring if I survived.. we did..obviously
But I felt so helpless..even after I was safe... I felt I almost didnt make it..
No one was there to help us..
No one knows.. but we did it.
So here I am.
Screwed it up again..no one to help..no one to listen.
All my fault.. nothing I can do.
I cannot change anyones mind..just my own.
Lie on the beach..andnbe glad I am alive.
I probably wont even know what I did wrong.. it just is.
What?
So ..on another note.. I find my vision is really blurry.. I need to find my new contacts.. maybe that will help..
I ran into an old friend.. really old friend..
We met when we were 11 yrs old..
And lost touch at 15. Bumped into eachother once or twice..but never was able to talk. There is volumes to talk about.. family..life.. before.. in between and now.. thomgs we were going through at that time of our lives thst would define us individually. . Things we survived that made us who we are.. or forced the 'me ' to be.. yes our lives took different paths..
But they crossed again..and there was something we clung to from our young selves that lets us open up..as true friends.
Yes..the time is short..
I may never be able to chat face to face..
But.. I see.. we needed to meet up again..at this time.
Just to be able to see where we are. Who we are.
Our present situations only allow us to find that understanding that many cant see. Something we need.
But I felt it..we talked and talked..I xould fo on for ever..listen forever..
There is so much understanding and such a connection..
But such a short time.
It will be gone.
R
8/26/2018
I have found a house to move my crap into.
A place for my kid and I to have our own space..
We can unload the pod and settle in.
My situation has changed.
Not really sure if I messed that up.
I think I did.. but no one is pointing ..
But..since the plan is cancelled. I need to find my space..stop being a buden.
I will continue to help if I am allowed..
I know..
I jumped at the chance to be here..
I was too much.
Overwhelming..
As always..I thought we talked through this.. maybe I talked..to me..
And worked it in my head..
And of course..scrwed it up.
Too much. .
Not now.
And I find myself.. set here..and the rest drifting away out of reach.
Like that time I was caught in thw rip current.. I barely felt it happening.. I knew it would be to my doom..
I fought to save my kid.. not caring if I survived.. we did..obviously
But I felt so helpless..even after I was safe... I felt I almost didnt make it..
No one was there to help us..
No one knows.. but we did it.
So here I am.
Screwed it up again..no one to help..no one to listen.
All my fault.. nothing I can do.
I cannot change anyones mind..just my own.
Lie on the beach..andnbe glad I am alive.
I probably wont even know what I did wrong.. it just is.
What?
So ..on another note.. I find my vision is really blurry.. I need to find my new contacts.. maybe that will help..
I ran into an old friend.. really old friend..
We met when we were 11 yrs old..
And lost touch at 15. Bumped into eachother once or twice..but never was able to talk. There is volumes to talk about.. family..life.. before.. in between and now.. thomgs we were going through at that time of our lives thst would define us individually. . Things we survived that made us who we are.. or forced the 'me ' to be.. yes our lives took different paths..
But they crossed again..and there was something we clung to from our young selves that lets us open up..as true friends.
Yes..the time is short..
I may never be able to chat face to face..
But.. I see.. we needed to meet up again..at this time.
Just to be able to see where we are. Who we are.
Our present situations only allow us to find that understanding that many cant see. Something we need.
But I felt it..we talked and talked..I xould fo on for ever..listen forever..
There is so much understanding and such a connection..
But such a short time.
It will be gone.
R
8/26/2018
posted from Bloggeroid
