The last post is.. I think a combination of two thoughts . All about the same thing..but confusing for me to read.
Must have been a residual.. sitting next to the E clone.
It got my train of thought derailed.
Really.. she is younger but looks so much like E .. face, hair style, body.. she could be her sister.. but.. ive seen her sister.. looks nothing like her..
Anyway. .
I re-read my previous post.. several times .. and get what I was trying to say. Sorry if its not very clear.. neither was I when I wrote it.
I am an island.
Not a coastal one..not one you could swim to..unless your boat sank near by..
I am over here. On the ocean. Not drifitng..here.
Many know how to get here.. some have been here.
Some are afraid of the water.
(Afraid of me.. and what I can do..)
I have been a fixer all my life.
Like the 'handy man" but no one tells their friends..
Once they get 'fixed' they move on and keep me a secret..
For fear.. they may need me again..and dont want to let someone else take me away..take me out of reach..just in case..
And here I am..
I do not have the network I used to have..all the avenues are gone.
My tried and true methods.. are gone.. I have no resources..
I have no references..
I did get a new and an old in the same room together..and listened to the conversation.. about me.. and realized ..no one shares that anymore.. if they did .. I would never be lonely.
I am no Adonis.. I have my certain skills and talents..I have always been willing to share...to give.. to help. Its not like I am hiding it for the select few.. it just ends up that way. No one knows me..as I have said..no one will give me a second thought...unless they get to know me.. I am not closed off..I am just not forward..it takes a great effort..or some other influence.. to get me to come forward and spell it out... if you hear me and let me go.. I usually dont try again.
I consider that a 'no'.. and usually a 'go away..'
That said..if I keep trying.. take that as a sign..
I know rejection... I really dont like it..especially not twice.. but if I keep trying.. it means I willing to endure it one more time... maybe.
Incase I was wrong..incase you just were not sure about me.
Or not sure about you.
...
Ok... all that aside.
I cannot try any harder to be less me.
There is pain there. I dont know what to do ..other than what I am doing. It is as much my fault as yours.. ISTBA told me so.. I think I am doing what I should.. but not at all what I want.
I am going to wait it out.. maybe in a year or so.. you will forget me..and I will move on.. or maybe ISTBA will keep kicking my ass.. and I will sit peacefully in the FZ.
It has been done before.
Not a dig..just a fact.
It seems I end up this way.. history repeats.
You know.. I do not have anything keeping me in this place.
Just my own walls.. brick by brick..just another...
'Nothing good happens after 2am'
If it is one thing I know.. bills will follow you..
So if you need to get away.. or go away.. do it...
The things you have been living for will find you..and those that dont need you will forget...
Someone asked me about this trip.. MTTS
Is it a scouting trip?
I have always 'scouted' when I travel..
I look for places I have never been..places I like.. I look for housing, work.. and such.. just in case..proximity..also is a factor..how close or how far from where I was..
Poof!
There is not one thing holding me in this place...except ..I need somewhere to be.
Food for thought.. got 7000 miles to go starting tonight....
R
7/5/16
Must have been a residual.. sitting next to the E clone.
It got my train of thought derailed.
Really.. she is younger but looks so much like E .. face, hair style, body.. she could be her sister.. but.. ive seen her sister.. looks nothing like her..
Anyway. .
I re-read my previous post.. several times .. and get what I was trying to say. Sorry if its not very clear.. neither was I when I wrote it.
I am an island.
Not a coastal one..not one you could swim to..unless your boat sank near by..
I am over here. On the ocean. Not drifitng..here.
Many know how to get here.. some have been here.
Some are afraid of the water.
(Afraid of me.. and what I can do..)
I have been a fixer all my life.
Like the 'handy man" but no one tells their friends..
Once they get 'fixed' they move on and keep me a secret..
For fear.. they may need me again..and dont want to let someone else take me away..take me out of reach..just in case..
And here I am..
I do not have the network I used to have..all the avenues are gone.
My tried and true methods.. are gone.. I have no resources..
I have no references..
I did get a new and an old in the same room together..and listened to the conversation.. about me.. and realized ..no one shares that anymore.. if they did .. I would never be lonely.
I am no Adonis.. I have my certain skills and talents..I have always been willing to share...to give.. to help. Its not like I am hiding it for the select few.. it just ends up that way. No one knows me..as I have said..no one will give me a second thought...unless they get to know me.. I am not closed off..I am just not forward..it takes a great effort..or some other influence.. to get me to come forward and spell it out... if you hear me and let me go.. I usually dont try again.
I consider that a 'no'.. and usually a 'go away..'
That said..if I keep trying.. take that as a sign..
I know rejection... I really dont like it..especially not twice.. but if I keep trying.. it means I willing to endure it one more time... maybe.
Incase I was wrong..incase you just were not sure about me.
Or not sure about you.
...
Ok... all that aside.
I cannot try any harder to be less me.
There is pain there. I dont know what to do ..other than what I am doing. It is as much my fault as yours.. ISTBA told me so.. I think I am doing what I should.. but not at all what I want.
I am going to wait it out.. maybe in a year or so.. you will forget me..and I will move on.. or maybe ISTBA will keep kicking my ass.. and I will sit peacefully in the FZ.
It has been done before.
Not a dig..just a fact.
It seems I end up this way.. history repeats.
You know.. I do not have anything keeping me in this place.
Just my own walls.. brick by brick..just another...
'Nothing good happens after 2am'
If it is one thing I know.. bills will follow you..
So if you need to get away.. or go away.. do it...
The things you have been living for will find you..and those that dont need you will forget...
Someone asked me about this trip.. MTTS
Is it a scouting trip?
I have always 'scouted' when I travel..
I look for places I have never been..places I like.. I look for housing, work.. and such.. just in case..proximity..also is a factor..how close or how far from where I was..
Poof!
There is not one thing holding me in this place...except ..I need somewhere to be.
Food for thought.. got 7000 miles to go starting tonight....
R
7/5/16
posted from Bloggeroid
