Here

Yep.. I am here.
Just me and all the rest of these people I dont know.
Slow then filled up..
But it is 12..and I wont make it much more.
I was up early and had a full day and night.. and now i am sleepy.
I should finish and go home.

Yay..
I hate being single.

ISTBA.

4/26/2015

End of april

Busy.
The word of the month.
I have made some new friends.. and woke some old friends..and pushed one or two away.. at least to arms lenght....
Still comfortable..but not as 'cozy' as before..
I realize I have few .. and need to keep what I have.. but I am not young any more..and need to stop being what people want me to be..and be me.. take me or leave me.. I am what I am..
Dedicated... loyal.. driven.. responsible. . And me.
Dont try to change what I am... it was what you liked about me..

R 4/25/15

Abbreviated

Last nights post was abbreviated.
Had to save and shut off.
It appears that it was something..to everyone else.
So ..im gonna have to work harder.

There was a conversation about S seeming to be different.
And J could tell she must want me..
I played dumb.
Then on leaving.. K said 'we have to talk'...
Ended up that she wanted to know what was up..but after explanations.. was happy with my 'results'..
High 5's around...

Really..

I am ashamed.

But, it ends with..
The feeling that I am not there yet.. just buddies.

R 4/22/15

Change

Not sure if its a change.. or more of the same.
I get that your out of work..and will accept that someone will pay.
I know you have to conserve what you have and make it last.
Im good with all that.
I cannot do much more..
It does not mean I am done with my responsibilities..
I am still busy..and that means...
Not for u..
We are not back..
But ..
Im not a dweeb..
I need to finish what I am doing..and move on.

R
4/21/2015

Saturday

Stuff to do.. student pickup. Laundry, groceries..dinner.. radio work..
And went over to setup the new computer. Hints about staying in.. then something about a cheeseburger. .
I needed a shower, so I left.

Here I am.
Listening. .and ready to go home and sleep.

R 4/12/15

Thats what I thought.

BC.
That is all.
I can deal.
We still care.
But nothings changed.
Im still working beaucoup hours..
Still have works.. kid and stuff to get done day to day.
It wont work.. but..'im not a dweeb.. just a sucka with low self esteem'.. (Outcast)..
All good.. had a good time.
R 4/7/15

April.. fool

Am I?
Or not.
I have no idea. I am trying to be ... me.
I think I can and will keep on..

I have old friends that want me around..
I have works..
And I need to be something I wont regret.

I will see..
And where it will take me..

I have friends that are going thru so much..but dont have true friends to help and support..
But .. I need to help..cause I care.
I will do what I can.

Yes..

R 4/3/15

What to do next

Work..work..gwork..
One thing.. getting stuff done..
Other thing.. lonely as hell

I did convince L to go back to school.. so now
Im coming home to an empty house.

Got some options..but not looking to mess anything up.

Hoping ISTBA isnt watching.

We will see.

Ok then.

Sitting here being annoyed.
Got stuff on my mind.
No one to talk to.
Some good ..some bad..
Well not so good.
Works..
Life..
Etc.

Well got the second work figured...spoke to the gm..and verified im good.

First work.. busy.. and ok.
Tomorrow is the first meeting...
Got a lil to discuss.
Gonna hear everyone...and feed them.
The least I can do.

Got to find out the process for interviews.. and start.

Been listening to ISTBAs bad advice.
Not sure if its helping or hurting.

Got a long dist thing I would like to cultivate..i dont know if its working...or even a thing.

But ISTBA.. is there..

J is talking..but not about much.

Dont know where that will be going..

We will see..as ISTBA..whispers in my ear...
Welcome to April
R
3/31/15